Friday, July 22, 2016

Out of The Woods

{{Hit play to read this post with a soundtrack}}

The last time a thunderstorm barreled through this farm it hit around 3Am. A loud boom cracked into the sky and it jolted me out of bed. Within twenty seconds of it slicing the silence, Gibson had run up the stairs from his post in front of the door and slammed into me, his 55lb body as close to me as possible. He shook madly, his tongue out in a panicked pant. He's always been nervous about loud sky noises, gun shots, fireworks, anything unexplained and possibly dangerous. I reached my around under his front paws and held him close until his breathing went from rapid to calm. I sang to him, a whisper without a hint of threat, like Ryan does.

The rest of the world was black and white
But we were in screaming color
And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods, yet?

Lightening lit up the room followed by louder and closer thunder. Friday sprawled lazily at the foot of the bed, entirely apathetic. She was on her back with all four paws in the air like a cartoon in a hammock. She has zero fear of thunder, ram horns, or giant pick up trucks but if your 32year old wobbles towards her she hides under a bush. She's terrified of children. Having never even seen one up close until she was around 6 months old, I think they confuse her. But since there were no toddlers, she was content. Gibson fell asleep half an hour later when the storm had exhaled into distant rumbles. He didn't leave my side the rest of the night. I kept singing.

The night we couldn't quite forget
When we decided to move the furniture so we could dance
Baby, like we stood a chance

We all have our storms and toddlers.
Sometimes we just need to be reminded they will pass.

Today was good. I spoke with the bank and arranged enough payments to get this farm out of any imminent threat of foreclosure. I can not tell you how amazing that felt. I let out a sigh I was holding in for what felt like years. Every day, for the past few weeks, I was fearing the mailbox. When the white truck puttered up the mountain I knew that it could be the day I found out I was out of time. But thanks to the Going Postal campaign the farm is safe, and tomorrow the first ten pieces of art get mailed out to people all over America and Canada. Thank you.

I hope to be entirely caught up on the mortgage by August. And then ahead of it.

I feel really good, guys. I really do. This dedication to marathon training has changed me. My body, my head, my heart is different. I stopped drinking a few weeks ago, not forever, but giving my liver a break before it slides out in protest. I have never slept better, fit better into my clothing, or cared more about my well being. Taking care of myself this way is changing things. It's changing the entire farm. I'm not going back to donuts and pasta. I'm currently hurt, dealing with a heal injury, so I didn't run today but I tried. It hurt in the first few strides so I went home and did a couple hundred pushups and sit ups, yoga, and stretches. A previous version of me would have poured a bourbon and picked up a pint of ice cream. Now I just want to feel better. The fifteen minutes of bliss eating some vanilla ice cream isn't worth the two hours of feeling bloated and guilty about it. I don't associate ice cream with those fifteen minutes anymore. I associate it with those two hours. Pass me the watermelon, baby. I am never going back to feeling that way again.

Remember when we couldn't take the heat
I walked out, I said, I'm setting you free
But the monsters turned out to be just trees
When the sun came up You were looking at me

Thunderstorms and miles. River swims and horseback riding up mountain trails. Holding loved ones close and making payments. This story keeps going. Nearly ten years of blog posts now, and as I grow into the woman I am learning to love more and more - it's harder to take certain things seriously. It's harder to be scared. It's easier to feel strong. It's necessary to be grateful.

I am still in love with all of this. You just can't know.

Are we out of the woods yet?
Are we out of the woods?
Are we in the clear yet?

In the clear yet, 



Blogger DarcC said...

So happy to hear it. Sleep sound!

July 22, 2016 at 10:00 PM  
Blogger LordBaumy said...

"and just like that it's a brand new day". You said that, and I say it all the time, and b Bryce knows it as a mantra. Today, it fits.

July 22, 2016 at 10:13 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Great to hear!

July 22, 2016 at 10:48 PM  
Blogger Sharon said...

Did you win the Beekman contest? Your news is good, very positive. Thunder is scary, and I understand Gibson. What a dog...he knows this job with those sheep. Stay good and sleep well.

July 23, 2016 at 12:16 AM  
Blogger daisy g said...

Continued blessings, farmer.

July 23, 2016 at 6:36 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

Beautiful post Jena, so glad I had the music playing in the background. The lyrics matched my reading speed very closely so it was quite meaningful!

July 23, 2016 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger Lesley UK said...

Hi Jenna, I'm so pleased your worries have been lifted a little. Have you heard anything from the Beekman awards yet? You've been getting 3 votes a day from my, my husband and my son, so I really hope you have some good news soon. Is it possible to have your address please?. I have something I should like to send you (no, it's not a job application. lol)
My e-mail is 'Keep on truckin' Blessings from Lesley UK

July 23, 2016 at 12:53 PM  
Blogger Jenna Woginrich said...

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I can't comment on the Beekman prize, but I will say it isn't a done deal by any means. They have a team reviewing paperwork and there is no certainty at all that I will receive it.

July 23, 2016 at 4:56 PM  
Blogger Jenna Woginrich said...

I can't confirm on the Beekman prize*, I meant.

July 23, 2016 at 4:57 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This is one of the most wonderful posts of yours I've had the pleasure to read. It is so loaded with goodness, joy, pride (earned), growth, and strength. So fine.

July 23, 2016 at 6:19 PM  
Blogger T. Crockett said...

I'm really happy for you, on both the physical and financial fronts.

July 24, 2016 at 12:20 PM  

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