Tuesday, July 22, 2008

hazy morning

I slept in this morning.I didn't get up till 5:45. The sun was up though, and in the streaming light of the cabin's bedroom Jazz was sprawled out beside me, his paws against my sternum and his mouth open. I wake up to two dozen white sharp teeth inches from my eyeballs. Sometimes I wonder if it's normal to wake up to wolf jaws and smile? But I do and scratched Jazz on the head. His big yellow eyes opened up, he yawned a mighty yawn, and then curled his head deeper into the pillow and went back to sleep. Somewhere in the kitchen I heard Annie's nails scratch against the cork floor as she stretched and sighed. She wasn't getting up either. My dogs are not farm dogs. Without snow on the ground or a harness on their chests they are as useless as house cats. I love that about them.

I however, had a lot to do before work, so I was getting up. I let my roommates sleep in. I slipped on some jeans and crocs and went outside towards the coop, grabbing a bale of straw from the porch and throwing it up on my shoulder as I went. I knew the birds needed fresh bedding after all the mud and rain from yesterday's storms. It also couldn't hurt to reline the nest box. I forgot to perc some coffee and cursed under my breathe. What the hell is happening to my priorities?

When I got to the coop and hutches I checked on the rabbits and then went about the business of sorting the morning poultry. Geese, ducks and turkeys spend the day outside so the chickens had the coop to themselves. Inside they were safe from hawks and predators and would lay better without the stress of loud goslings (the other poultry was way too big to be picked up by raptors) so I let them spend the whole day waddling around the creek and trying to break into the garden. So far all attempts have been thwarted. Let's hear it for old fences.

When everyone was fed, watered, had a clean place to sleep and was pecking in the sun--I went back in to check on the dogs. Both of which were now up and ready for a walk. We went out into the field and watched the hazy clouds sit on the mountains. It reminded me of Tennessee. I don't know if I can make it back this fall for the mountain music festival (and heat my house this winter) so it tugged at my heart a little. It also reminded me to work on All the Pretty Horses on the dulcimer that night. If I nailed it on the dulc I could record both the fiddle and dulcimer parts together for kicks. I am a very exciting young person.

Starting your day like this - with animals and misty mountains and good dogs beside you, makes getting ready for work harder and harder. Every weekday I get in that car and drive the ten miles to the office. I do it with loud music and plenty of coffee, so it's not too depressing. But the deeper I get into the world of small farms, sheepherding, animals, and gardening the more it starts to feel like a farce. A front I put up to pay rent and buy dog food. Something that drains energy from the real work of growing food, collecting eggs, planning a sheep farm and learning to shepherd. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful. I have a good job I enjoy. I work with fine people with manners and perfectly normal haircuts, but if I could find a way to support myself at home and still be able to walk into an emergency room insured, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Or, you know, marry rich.


Blogger KKJD1 said...

Sounded like a great day until you got to the going to work part, Im so glad I dont have to work myself. I sure hope your dream of working at home will happen for you soon. Karen

July 22, 2008 at 5:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's something missing even though I've just started working after too many years in school. Good thing there's plenty of land in TN, since it will be a welcome respite from the daily grind.

I just read your Banjo article on the Huffington post. Great job, and thanks for the encouragement. My guitar is awfully dusty.

July 23, 2008 at 3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Adam (husband) works for a company that makes computer textbooks. He writes testing materials for them (more or less), and we've got another friend who edits these books in one way or another. Her husband periodically makes learning movies for this textbook company and freelances as a web designer. We're all happy self-employed people around here.

I don't see why, with the computer skills that you have, that with a few contacts you could in fact cut the strings to the day job and work from home.

The insurance thing is trickier. But there are options. We're COBRA at the moment, and will be going on the state of Illinois plan for the uninsurable after that. Dave and MT have individual plans.

July 24, 2008 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Christie Corrine said...

Stop doing what you know is not 'right' for you....you are correct in your knowing that it is draining your precious energy. Yes, it takes immense faith and trust in the universe, to step off the edge, but that is the only way you will 'have' what you believe you 'need' to be safe. Ask yourself why it is that you believe you will 'need' medical insurance. Ask yourself why you believe you will not 'have' the money or goods necessary to feed your dogs, etc. Start acknowldging your beliefs and realize that they are not absolutes and can be changed in a blink of an eye. You have acknowledged and changed your beliefs about 'lifestyles'........don't stop now.

August 6, 2008 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Yarn Cat said...

I have been reading your blog recently, so I am trying to catch up on the older entries.
I totally understand your feeling going to work every morning while you know you would rather somewhere else.
Same here, I am doing a course in cat behaviour (yes, I am a cat lady) I wish I can live in a farm, and run my own cattery and training centre one day. But I need to go in the office every morning to pay rent until one day I have the opportunity to have my own cattery. It feels dreadful knowing that your energy could have been used for something more constructive than staring at the computer for the whole day...
But here we are in the office, for the time being.
I think to see this from a positive point of view is, at least you know what you want to do in your life. There are so many people, (I suspect the majority) of people being raised in our generation, been told to get a degree, work for a big company and you are going to be happy forever, have never even have a doubt if that's what they want! So at least, we know!

April 16, 2009 at 7:25 AM  
Blogger Damn The Broccoli said...

I can't agree more her, I work in a job that I feel destroy a little more of my soul each day.

I am counting down to my own piece of happy and the day I can walk away from it all.

January 15, 2010 at 4:15 PM  

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