Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Frenetic

New piglets were born on the farm, new little guys running about! Auburn the hawk is molting her feathers. The horses are avoiding flies by staying in the pole barn during the hottest stretches and I am doing my best to catch up on art and logo work. Most days here now are a string of chores, running, desk work, and then during the hottest part of the day a dip in the river. I hope for the mail to deliver a long-awaited freelance check or someone emails about a large project but mostly it’s been doggie paddling through the month trying to keep my head above water.

July is winding down and things are precarious. This is the first time I haven’t been able to post mark a mortgage check, with not enough sales coming in and too many bills going out. I hope to make it happen in the next few days and have it slide under the feet of any wolf at the door, but it is what I am thinking about the most right now. No one ever said a farm/freelance life would be stable. And certainly no one said it would be windy successful - but it has so far been enough. When the dates tick by and it isn’t - it makes a woman nervous.

But nerves aren’t a bad thing. They mean you understand the gravity of the situation and the consequences that they entail. I know how on edge this place can be. I’ve made this farm work from that edge, barely keeping balance, but proven myself a capable acrobat in this circus. And the longer I manage to pull those trapeze moves the more I manage to remain optimistic and calm during these most doubtful times. Which isn’t nothing. There’s a real power in learning how to keep life moving a trot - yes it’s frenetic and uncomfortable but it’s still moving forward. I’ll slow down to a walk when I earn it.