Thursday, July 18, 2019

Every Single Day

Up early to beat the heat, and loving every minute of it. Getting the farm sorted before coffee, before a run, before anything else makes me feel like I am already rolling through the day's accomplishments. I have my to-do list set and off-farm work to dedicate time to. I hay a load of hay to pick up, livestock additions to source, soap fats to procure, orders to ship, and best of all: A TOILET TO FLUSH! The plumbing was repaired yesterday by the fine people of Ed's Plumbing who arrived and got it sorted through the septic system yesterday between rainstorms. I was so happy I scrubbed and cleaned my entire bathroom and may even organize my medicine cabinet and towels today. My thirties are wild.

I don't know the cost for sure, but it seemed reasonable and I'll get the bill in the mail. Most of yesterday was dealing with the house - plumbing and cleaning and restarting the hot water system down in the basement since it's been dormant for so long. Between all that, some minor small engine repairs, and learning how to smack the twin relay boxes on the truck I am starting to feel like a new woman. I'm less and less the woman who needs rescuing from circumstances and now I'm the one rescuing myself - at least most of the time.

It's been ten years of this place, of this farm and the live and cycles and seasons around it. I live it differently. I write about it differently. It's no longer a passion and obsession I am so thirsty to learn - it's every single day of my normal life. The reverence is still there. It's undeniable. But all those things I wrote about with the beginner's mind are now fused in every day choice and life. I feel the real luck of this place has been getting to this point. And while every month is still so touch-and-go—and even today I have no idea how I'll reach my income goals written on that to-do list—I have a decade of proof positive behind my back proving that I can. The data doesn't lie. As hard as it is sometimes the plumbing gets fixed, the lights get turned back on, the bankers stay pacing far from the gate, and I can still mount that magical black pony and ride in the mountains on the same days I used to be waiting for leftovers to microwave in the company cafeteria.

I hear from people every day who just find my books, or this blog, or the old youtube videos. I am always grateful even though I feel the woman I am at 37 is a world apart from the naive and scared girl that started all this. But nothing feels better than them seeing that this life is possible. That you don't have to be married, rich, or marry a rich cowboy to end up changing your life and becoming something new. It takes a lot of small choices, built up every single year, and then one day you realize that you're the cowboy after all. You're the one holding this wealth of experience and stories and hardship and awkward tan lines and new muscles found in the shower.

This place still holds me close every single day.