Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Night Toads

At night I check on the animals before bed. Tonight as I walked around the farm with a trusty flashlight and two romping dogs I watched the moon come out from behind the trees. The wind was picking up and chatty. Lush maple leaves chattered above us gossiping about a storm arriving later in the night. I usually have a glass of wine or whiskey in the evening but today I did not and so every piece of me was sober as a monk and noticing tiny things you don't pay attention to after a glass or two of red. Things like toads.

As I checked on the different pens and roosts I counted four toads in my path. I like toads. I like all the reptiles that swim and croak and slither. The toads weren't scared of the dogs or me and had I not stepped over them they would have met their maker.  Four bold toads under a waxing moon. How about that?

I came inside to see if there were any sayings about happening upon night toads, some sort of folk belief or story. I didn't find any. What came up instead during my online search was  quotes about toads, and Toad himself, as in the character from The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame.

"Toad talked big about all he was going to do in the days to come, while stars grew fuller and larger all around them, and a yellow moon, appearing suddenly and silently from nowhere in particular, came to keep them company and listen to their talk."

That made me smile.

If this site is anything it's talking big about all the things I am going to do. I talked about wanting a farm, wanting a horse, wanting collies and falcons and sheep and fiddles. I did all those things. I am glad I did all those things. And along the years of pulling back heavy bowstrings and hunting and falling off saddles I found this woman I have been hiding from. A version of myself that doesn't feel the need to hide or apologize or be ashamed of what she actually wants.

I'm going to choose to believe four night toads are a sign of good things to come, especially when the moon is out and the wind is talking and your heart is empty.

There are a thousand ways to feel lucky or terrified every single day. Focus on the former if you can.