Sunday, March 20, 2016

First Day of Spring

It's the first day of Spring and around fifteen degrees outside, a steep drop in temperatures. It perfectly matches how I feel right now. Which is to say desperately wanting to lighten up, but stunted by circumstances. I want to write with a little more spring in my step and my chin held hight, but the truth is I am very stressed out coming into this spring and need encouragement.

Right now my headspace is just like what's under the hood of my truck. I am having a hard time focusing and feeling defeated lately. Instead of being spirited by the challenged ahead I am afraid of them. What this farm needs is a miracle. And I'm the friggin' miracle. I feel like I can't jump start that engine anymore. You can't be creative and productive and fearful at the same time.

I'm trying hard to fight that the best way I know how - with positivity, work, exercise, music, but it feels like I am jogging in the fog. I am able to see where the fog clears up and the sun is shining - the place I can exhale but every single time I think I might be a few strides away a tree falls in my path or I trip. That's been the story of this farm all along but right now it's more daunting than anything else.

I am not asking for help or advice. I am not looking for answers. I know what I need to accomplish and the work needed to get there. I just ask for your encouragement. On this first day of spring, I don't want to be scared of the summer ahead. I want to be excited for it.

22 Comments:

Blogger gothicmuse said...

Jenna-

Having born witness to your struggles and triumphs over these many years through your blog posts, I would count you among the strongest and most perseverant women I have ever encountered. You are brave and strong and amazing.

Still, the struggle does wear on one and, perhaps, makes you feel like you can't go forward to climb that next obstacle, but you know that standing still is only an option to catch your breath. Keep fighting for the life that you love.

One day I hope to meet you in person to give you a hug and learn from you.

Jo

March 20, 2016 at 7:58 AM  
Blogger Melissa K said...

No worries girl, you can do this! Spend time with your animals, especially your Merlin, he brings you so much joy! You have so many fab friends that want to help, let them!

March 20, 2016 at 8:06 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

You certainly have my encouragement, and if it's not too heavy a burden, my ongoing admiration. I admire the way you generally see a challenge where I would see an obstacle, and the determination you put into getting things done.

I hope you get your mojo back soon, and get some spring back into your step. Until then, we are cheering you on.

March 20, 2016 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger Kathleen Cully said...

Jenna,

I am also cheering you on, whatever is happening, no matter how discouraging
you will overcome it. The struggles will hopefully lighten a bit and alternatives will present themselves.

How can many of us help?????

March 20, 2016 at 8:40 AM  
Blogger Jenna Woginrich said...

Thanks guys. Right now the biggest help you can do is help get the word out about my books, workshops, logos, and the blog. If you know someone looking for design work, mention my name? Thanks.

March 20, 2016 at 8:53 AM  
Blogger Harmony Hill said...

Jo said what I think

March 20, 2016 at 9:22 AM  
Blogger Harmony Hill said...

How do you get the best profit re is buying your books

March 20, 2016 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Candie W said...

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/5b/0b/de/5b0bdeb452e80afccba70346c1313081.jpg

March 20, 2016 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Jenna Woginrich said...

Books help get the word out about the blog. That is how they are helpful. I get cents per book, and it pays off old advances so I don't actually see any money from the books. But if someone sees that book and becomes a blog reader, subscribes to the blog, buys a logo, workshop, or season pass - that is how it is helpful.

March 20, 2016 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Whiffletree Farm said...

Jenna, you are so talented and versatile and inspiring! People love you! I do see something, though, that perhaps you don't. Taking advice is not natural. It just seems obvious that any mature adult knows how to take advice, but in practice, people seldom do because it is not natural, it feels invasive. Normally everyone thinks that they know what they are doing and they can handle situations with the force of their own will. In a sense, people mistakenly assume they can control their world even when they are in a situation where they don’t see how “things happen.” You need to talk to someone you trust enough to actually do what they tell you regarding your situation. You will be happier.

March 20, 2016 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger Whiffletree Farm said...

Jenna, you are so talented and versatile and inspiring! People love you! I do see something, though, that perhaps you don't. Taking advice is not natural. It just seems obvious that any mature adult knows how to take advice, but in practice, people seldom do because it is not natural, it feels invasive. Normally everyone thinks that they know what they are doing and they can handle situations with the force of their own will. In a sense, people mistakenly assume they can control their world even when they are in a situation where they don’t see how “things happen.” You need to talk to someone you trust enough to actually do what they tell you regarding your situation. You will be happier.

March 20, 2016 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger Jenna Woginrich said...

Why would you think I am not already talking to people I trust about my situation?

March 20, 2016 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger Imagine you will fly... said...

Hi Jenna, just wanted to tell you that I love your vlogs ... lately was listening to the one 'why women should hunt' ... it's fascinating to me,
not that i would hunt ever, but the way you bring it, how you talk, your words, so passionate, so free... it's wonderful story telling! Thank you for that!

March 20, 2016 at 3:33 PM  
Blogger Goose Goose said...

Did deeper. (you CAN jump the truck every day if you have to)

March 20, 2016 at 4:32 PM  
Blogger Andria M said...

Hang in there. Many people are cheering you on. Hanging in there means many things to me. Whatever I can do to be my own best friend. Get enough sleep. Schedule down time, electronics-free. Doodle. Brush my hair, concentrating on every stroke. Crying, hard, letting it all out. You will be OK. Spring is always weird and unstable. You will be OK.

March 20, 2016 at 7:46 PM  
Blogger Erik said...

We're cheering for you from all our separate little places, so the triangulation factor probably means you're getting SMOTHERED WITH CHEER!!!

March 20, 2016 at 9:44 PM  
Blogger Chelsea Tarver said...

You are a singularly determined individual with the gumption of all of black and white cinema in her half-wild blood. You have forced from this hard world a living you love in spite of and because of times like these where you've struggled the hardest. You are a warrior goddess and you will conquer.

Go forth and slay, mama.

March 21, 2016 at 3:26 AM  
Blogger English sheep gal said...

Sending positive thoughts your way from the other side of NY State.

Hope you get a sunny warm day to cheer you up.

Wondering if you are still doing Indie Days to help with income - would be a wonderful time to experience a day at Cold Antler, new lambs up on the hill, pregnant goats, preparations for the next batch of chicks coming soon, maybe a chance to learn archery, or a musical instrument........

You have introduced me to some great music via the blog over the years, so glad to read in this post you are keeping music high on the priority list. I have found something new on Youtube 'NPR Tiny Desk' Concert series. Where the bands cram into the NPR offices, and play a few songs live - I just put it on and let it go from band to band, some familiar from the blog like Iron & Wine, Shovels and Rope, Civil Wars - but also finding ones I think are amazing, but have never heard of, Hozier, Nickel Creek, Patty Griffin etc. Hope you find some great music to lift your spirits today.

March 21, 2016 at 6:42 AM  
Blogger Kyler and Sylvia said...

🙂

March 21, 2016 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Kitty Betzoldt said...

This is when its the most difficult for those of us who homestead alone. You don't have a partner there who will just notice how down you are and give support without be sought out as you would need to seek out a friend who doesn't live with you. Not to mention not having someone to share the expenses with! I feel you, sister. Do you take extra vitamin D3? People scoff at supplements but it made a huge difference for me, especially in the winter when there is less sunlight. Staying involved with others (as I know you do) is vital to stop the "I'm in this alone" feelings of isolation too. Lean on your friends as they allow and know that you are a strong enough woman to deal with anything! Maybe a little "roaring" or primal screaming wouldn't hurt either ;)

March 21, 2016 at 3:35 PM  
Blogger Jacquie said...

When I was completely overwhelmed and beaten down by debt, a phrase came by that really helped. "You're not a bad person, you just owe some money." It is very easy to feel like you are your debt since we already measure people by their worth, their net worth. Having just lost our house via a short sale (underwater mortgage), I will say there is a lot of help out there re HARP, etc. that you can take advantage of. It wasn't right for us. We relocated and are so much happier for it! I know you don't want advice but there is mortgage relief out there. Check it out. Being strong sometimes means admitting it's too much, and asking for the financial help that is out there re your biggest and scariest expense, your mortgage. It also means feeling pissy and buying new underwear - the nice stuff! Bills be damned.

Take a day off girl. Even the most magnificent dreams turn sour if you burn yourself to ashes. Huge hugs!

March 21, 2016 at 6:14 PM  
Blogger Ginny said...

Catching up a bit on your blog... I have to say that you aren't alone in the struggle. It has been this way for a few months, so do know that you're only in the universal muck and the rest of us are struggling too. I find it comforting when I can pick my head up long enough to realize that I am not alone, and maybe the energy that is dragging me down isn't just mine.
Warmth and light

April 13, 2016 at 2:03 PM  

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