Border collies are smart. How smart? Well, let me explain the process for training this girl not to use my house as her lavatory. For those of you not familiar with training a dog, this is the power play of the actual process: you need to catch them in the act. You can't drag a puppy and stick her nose in a pile of poo like some idiot. Dogs don't have human memories and have no idea why you would do that. You need to use a harsh tone and say "NO!" right while they are peeing or pooping in front of you, scoop them up, and take them outside to finish the deed. It took Gibson a few scoldings and he was set at 4 months. Friday is different.
Friday has learned not to poop in the bathroom, because I yelled at her in there. She knows not to poop in the living room, dining room, or my bedroom. She's been scolding both upstairs and downstairs to not defecate. She gets it. But since she's a Border Collie she found a loophole. She just shits on the stairs themselves.
Yes! The stairs! That No-man's Land, the international waters of scat! Being a portal between two lands of NO she simply squats over the edge of one stair (I assume) and plops turds down the stairs, and I have yet to actually catch her in the act. It's frustrating as hell and two nights ago when I was heading downstairs to use the bathroom I slipped on a turd in my bare feet and fell hard. I laid there at the bottom of the stairs, bruised but fine, thinking
"And that's how she died... naked with poo on her feet."
No, not the riding a half ton of horse at full gallop without a helmet up a mountain. Not hunting with rifles in the wilderness. Not out driving her truck on the highway or from a heart attach due to internet trolls.... but lost thanks to a pile of shit. I was fine even if my pride was a little damaged, and Friday is spending more time in her crate while she learns the stairs are not her personal receptacle —but I figured that was a moment worth raising my mug to this morning. I am always telling people to look up, perhaps I should warn them to look down.