Friday, May 17, 2013

Sanctuary

Everyone's got one. A place that removes even the lightest varnish of self doubt or fear. It isn't necessarily a place that makes you happy, though sometimes it surely does. The point of sanctuary is to feel safe, as if everything that troubles you is on the other side of glass and no matter hard they gnash their teeth they can't get through.

I'm doing okay here. I don't think I've ever felt more overwhelmed. It'll be a relief beyond words to get to June. By June all the edits for One Woman Farm will be done. The manuscript I am struggling with now will have been turned in. Lambing should be over with. I'll have time to think and breathe a bit deeper. I think the root of all my stress is not related to relationships, or money, or deadlines. I think my stress is related to being far too hard on myself and sorely lacking in the care a hard working body needs. Things like rest, meditation, long stretches, lots of water, good healthy food and plenty of sunshine. This is what I need. It'll bring a clarity and freshness to tasks that have become monstrous.

I've been spending a lot of time with Merlin and Jasper. I have needed it. I'm going through something, that's for certain. I have never felt more anxious or dissapointed or unsure of myself. Stuff is just broke, but nothing tragic. Nothing time in the saddle can't place behind glass.

Horses have a way of caring very little about what concerns humankind. And without realizing it, they have a way of making humankind care very little about their concerns.

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