Friday, January 25, 2013

On My Belly in the Dirt

So yesterday was a rough one. I went to bed the night before cold, right down to the bone. It wasn't so much a matter of temperature, as morale. I was really tired, and really frustrated by some personal issues I have been going through. I decided (like a fool) that I was going to be miserable and no one was going to talk me out of it. It's when you get into this mindset that you start chipping away at yourself, and you've just created a monster out of thin air. So I fell asleep cold, lonely, and scared and when I woke up the next morning a lot of bad things happened. It was as if my crappy mood had summoned them into being. Pipes froze, fuses blew, bill collectors kept calling, the oil ran out, and I just started sinking into that emotional and useless place called victimhood.

I sat on the cement floor of my mudroom (somewhere around 37 degrees) and just started crying. You can't help these things, sometimes. I was second guessing every choice I had made over the past year. If I had not left Orvis I would have more money. I would have health insurance. I'd still have my 401k. And besides all those financial things I would be in a warm that I wasn't paying to heat, place surrounded by people who made me laugh. Instead I was broke and cold, crying on cement. I was nearly out of firewood, almost out of hay for the animals, and probably out of oil. I was a mess, trying to figure out how to thaw pipes when I couldn't even thaw out my own head.

I started thinking about all the things I was supposed to be doing instead of crying on the floor and felt instantly guilty. I had design work, writing, and work outs planned. I had errands in town, chores outside, and people to call. The NOFA conference was this weekend in Saratoga and so was the Draft Horse CLub's winter sleigh ride - both of which I wanted to attend but both required time and cash I didn't have. So I was just feeling stuck.

It's at these moments when you either keep crying or start working.

So I started working. I had problems to fix. I either could call a plumber and start trying to fix them myself or I could keep crying on my cold butt. I stood up, and I got to work. And I think it was becoming a farmer who switched that ability inside me. When you take care of something or someone else, you can not dissolve into any sort of negativity long. It is not only pointless, it is negligent. My goats and dogs could care less about my relationship history or arguments with my family. All they know is that hay should be here by now and the water heater is on the fritz. So I threw myself into work, into repairs, into chores and started calling plumbers. If I couldn't fix it, I'd find someone who could.

That became the theme of the day. I went out and fixed all the water heaters, and changed their power sources to avoid any more blown fuses and shorting out. I wrote a list with each animal's species and then what I would want if I was a sheep, chicken, horse, etc. I gave the sheep extra hay, extra bedding, and some sweet feed and corn for the calories to burn in this cold weather. I double checked the coop for drafts, made it more comfortable, and refilled water fonts and feeders. I brought rabbit bottles inside to defrost and hugged Bonita. I did the same things I do everyday, really, but I did them with this higher purpose of love for the critters. Some people see therapists their whole lives hoping for someone to pull them out of a funk. I wish I could hand everyone of them a dairy goat.

I posted on Facebook about the pipes and someone mentioned a hairdryer. I read it and scoffed, but then reread it, soaking up that wisdom. knew I couldn't get into the crawlspace with a hairdryer because I could not fit. So I devised a ridiculous plan to build a "heat arm" which meant duct-taping a hairdryer with an extension cord to a broom handle and laying on my stomach in the crawlspace's maw until I heard the water run. It was in those ten-fifteen minutes on my belly in the dirt that I got a lot of thinking done.

Folks, I am fine and the farm and the house is fine. No one should ever read this blog and pity or worry about me. Everything I go through is my choice, as is my life here on the farm and all the hassles and hardships that go with it. I don't write about these things because I want to be saved. I write about them because I want what I realize to leave this head and go out into the world where *maybe* it can help someone else and make it something bigger. I had a few shitty days, but I am fine. I really am. In a few hours a new wood delivery will be here and I'll be laughing with Tom, stacking it outside the farmhouse. In a few days I'll have enough cash set aside to order a 50-bale truckload of hay from Nelson. I'll catch up on my bills, I always do. And no part of me wants to be spending weekdays in someone else's office living my life on hold. But every now and then doing all this alone eats me up inside, and when a stretch of cold days get to you you can't help but suffer a little breakdown. But I always snap out of it, and such sad days are grower fewer and farther between. This is growth, and healing, and while it may mean reaching deep conclusions crying on your belly in a dirt-floor crawlspace — at least I reached them. And the difference between the person I became and the person I used to be is that the girl five years ago would know the same things, but not act on them. The girl in the dirt yesterday realized some heavy shit, and will be fighting to resolve them with all she's got left to give.

Stay warm, friends. It gets better.

62 Comments:

Blogger Joie said...

I am beyond proud of you. Get it, gurrrrrl.

January 25, 2013 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger Lelainia N. Lloyd said...

Jenna, I've been through some REALLY crappy stuff in my life & especially in the last 6 month. Crappy like you wouldn't believe-life & death type crappy.

Anyway, when I am in the thick of it, overwhelmed and clawing at the edge to hang on, what gets me through it is this: IT COULD BE WORSE.

Yes, my coping mechanism is thinking about all the ways it could be much, much worse and then finding that place of gratitude that it's not. Once I have that mental shift, I then take care of the things I can fix, get help with anything I need help with and let go of the things I am powerless against.

The most important thing you can do in these moments is to acknowledge the crap and then just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Life is about learning resilience. You can only fail if you stop trying.

January 25, 2013 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger Amelia said...

Hang in there - I hope things get better soon. I enjoy your blog and your grit. Sending positive thought your way

January 25, 2013 at 12:04 PM  
OpenID vintageandhandcraftedinnovascotia said...

It always gets better - my facts - I am staring my 75th birthday in the face - I am alone in a cold drafty old house with wood heat and the tendency for pipes to freeze. I'vre done nothing the last three or 4 days but shiver, lug wood and cosset the plumbing; and fill juice jugs with hot water and retreat wth them to bed in between stoking the stove. I can't do handowork - my hands are too cold - so I mooch around the internet and sleep when I'm
not supporting the woodstove's habit. Just being able to stand on the doorstep for 5 minutes without risking hypothermia will be a treat tomorrow or the next day. We get through (with a little help from our friends) and this is all my choice as to lifestyle and it will be better soon.
Chin up Jenna and all the rest of you battling the deep freeze in rural areas.
Janet in Hall's Harbour

January 25, 2013 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I'm so proud of you! Yes, you had a little breakdown, but who wouldn't?! You gave yourself some time to let the emotions out, and then you got to work. You're a real trooper! I loved the sentence about giving everyone in therapy a dairy goat. I couldn't agree more. I know my mental health is MUCH better now that we are on our homestead and I have the rhythm of "chores" and animals I love depending on me. Just yesterday as I gathered eggs I thought, "This is happiness: Looking into a full, beautiful egg basket with many shades from white to cream to tan, and even a touch of pink." This is my bliss. Simply beauty and simple joy.

Having a job away from home does provide more finiancial security, or at least the illusion of it, but it also comes at a price. As you already know, there are many days when one has to leave home for the job when the fact is that there are more pressing things at home. We went without a water heater for nearly two weeks in November because we had to leave for work each day instead of having the time to stay home and get it figured out and fixed. Our day jobs provide for our financial needs, but not enough fluff to call in repairmen for things like water heaters.

I hope it's a brighter day for you, Jenna, you sure do brighten mine! <3

January 25, 2013 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Holly said...

As always, I receive wisdom and inspiration from your grit:)

January 25, 2013 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Linda said...

That was an inspiring post Jenna - thank you for it!

January 25, 2013 at 12:11 PM  
Blogger lemontreelane said...

You are a rock star. Glad it's better!

January 25, 2013 at 12:11 PM  
Blogger MIB said...

I had a bit of a day like that yesterday, too--just couldn't take the worry and the mistakes I had made--and I started crying. Honestly, I feel like cold weather like this saps something out of you, too (it's been -12, -18, and -8 at my house the past few mornings). But when a family member I'm close to called and asked what was wrong--she could hear it in my voice--I told her that I had my breakdown but that it was over "nothing permanent," and I knew it to be true.

And then I told her that my shoulder still hurt two weeks later after having been knocked to the ground by an escaped ram and recounted how, right after it happened, my worried husband was standing over me while I was lying flat on my back in the snow, in the pitch black, with tears streaming down my face, not wanting to move because I hurt so bad, and I kept tearfully saying to him, "I'm fine, I'm fine"--well, this family member started laughing. Because she does the same kind of thing when she's hurt. And then I got to laughing, because I felt less alone.

Jenna, you're not alone.

January 25, 2013 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger MIB said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

January 25, 2013 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger Pit Stop Farm said...

Every bit of positivity, happiness, or change for the better comes from within us. Just as negativity and self doubt do. I think a mini breakdown is good for the soul - it allows us to release the built up stress and pressures of our daily lives. I'm sure you have emerged as a more determined and focused writer, farmer, and friend. I say thank goodness for the frozen pipes and other events. It's in these challenges that we learn more about who we are and make modifications to our behavior and thoughts - good or bad. You are the type of person who will make beneficial changes while learning a thing or two along the way. An inspiration to us all, you are, as usual.

January 25, 2013 at 12:14 PM  
Blogger Woman Seeking Center said...

There have been, are, will always be times at the farm that are wicked hard. So many things go wrong at my place I've more than once found myself having one of those 'scary-face-sobbing-cries'.

My heart aches for you, reading about you feeling those emotions. It's a hard place to be, even briefly. I wonder if those moments aren't a sort of cry (literally) of confirmation... A running mental/emotional inventory of all the decisions, sucesses and failures, challenges and complexities running in your mind like a movie. Then comes the review. Did I do the right thing? Do I want to be here (still)? Would I give it up and go back to corporate?

I'm so glad to read your cry 'confirmed' for you. You kicked the crisis in the ass, drew strength from your four legged family and again found the foundation of your heart and soul.

I dread those moments of questioning, yet end up so uplifted and energized when the review hollers out a resounding THIS IS where I belong!

No pain, no gain is true I guess.
(or as they say 'round these parts, anything, including resolve is only as strong as it's found to be when harshly tested).

You are smart, strong, determined, honest. The honesty is so helpful to all of us on (or considering) alternate life paths!

Issy

January 25, 2013 at 12:40 PM  
Blogger Moose Hollow Farm said...

I remember going through a similar bout of "momentary depression" about 35 years ago and then I realized that my kids were depending on me to be happy & to provide them with a loving environment so I kicked myself in the butt & went on. You can't help how you feel, Jenna, but remember that your animals are there for you & so are we. As I tell my daughters (38 & 36 years of age now), those terrible days are just that ~ 1 or 2 days out of your whole life & things do get better. Hang in there, girl, we are here for you.

January 25, 2013 at 12:52 PM  
Blogger Patti said...

Glad to read this Jenna. Your sharing the bad with the good is what this blog is all about I think. Thanks.

January 25, 2013 at 12:53 PM  
Blogger Ellen Rathbone said...

More power to you, girl! Go get 'em!

January 25, 2013 at 1:01 PM  
Blogger Joshua Tolley said...

If you wanted to be rescued, I doubt you'd have started your lifestyle in the first place. Speaking as one who has been dealing with animals, firewood, frozen pipes, and the rest this winter, though, I can say that tips like "try a hair dryer" are wonderful. They leave plenty of room for me to do the work myself, but make it achievable. We moved here to live real life, which sometimes includes sick animals, less feed than anyone would like, and frost in difficult places.

January 25, 2013 at 1:09 PM  
Blogger kate said...

Jenna, I appreciate your willingness to share these experiences. It helps to provide a fuller picture of the life you are living. I guess every lifestyle has its attraction, responsibilities, conflicts and struggles. I value it very much when you tackle the struggles.

One more thing, and this is not advice because I know you do not want it. This is my experience. My work brings me into contact with people with money issues. I go to bat for them. It used to surprise when I found that some people later had the same money issues after I helped them solve the past ones. I wonder why they don't set aside money to carry them through the known and the unexpected problems everyone has some day.

There is no judgment of you nor any advice in these words, but just saying a lot of people have money problems and some people keep having them. I read your blog because I enjoy how you figure things out, and I am sure you will figure this out too.

P.S. When I considered making a seasonal cabin a year round place, I was told to put a tiny propane heater in the small space where the pipes are exposed outside, which were already enclosed in a plywood box in the crawl space. If you need help, I am good at squeezing into crawl spaces.

January 25, 2013 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger Melanie J. said...

Big virtual hug your way, girl!

January 25, 2013 at 1:24 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

I love your candor and how you paint a very realistic picture of your day, the good and bad. Keep sharing it all with us!

January 25, 2013 at 1:25 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...

I love your candor and how you paint a very realistic picture of your days. The bad makes the good that much sweeter. Hope you are warm from here on out!

January 25, 2013 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger mdoe37 said...

Sometimes you just gotta get out all the snot and tears to think clearly. I mean, heat on a stick! Fabulous! It worked AND no plumber bil either. Right up there with a touchdown at the superbowl!!

Those propane heat tube things (salamanders) will go on sale shortly. Might come in handy again sometime.

January 25, 2013 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger WillowBrookFarm said...

Genius Jenna, hair dryer on a stick, love it, I may have to use that on someday!
My husband says I'm the most positive & optimistic person he knows but during my last breakdown (when the well quit and I was afraid it was going to cost thousands to fix, after working on it for the last day) he said to me "boy, when things really go to shit your the most depressed person I know" or something along those lines.
I'm glad you pulled yourself up! Springs just around the corner and I think it will be early!

January 25, 2013 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger Ngo Family Farm said...

Pit stop farm said it beautifully, so I'll just echo that sentiment!
-Jaime

January 25, 2013 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger PansWife said...

Yeah, the hair drier thing, I've owned one for 30 years and can't remember the last time I actually used it on my hair.

This is probably advice but re: rabbit water - have rotating bottles one on the hutch, one in the house by the wood stove. Rotate every few hours OR you can give rabbits bowls of snow to get water from. We used to have "free range" rabbits and I noticed they loved to go out of their housing and lick up clean snow, even with water available to them.

January 25, 2013 at 2:57 PM  
Blogger rabbit said...

You are absolutely amazing and waaaay braver than I. Hold tight to that and know that so much love and support follow through your blogdom! Watch your video 'First Year', it ALWAYS helps me!

January 25, 2013 at 3:32 PM  
Blogger Robin Hill Quilts~Eileen G. said...

Live and learn Jenna! That's why we are all here....nicely done! E

January 25, 2013 at 3:36 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Jones said...

The hairdryer on a stick...smart thinking! Necessity is truly the mother of invention! You GO girl!

KJ

January 25, 2013 at 5:39 PM  
Blogger The Village Queen said...

Yea that alone thing is tough. Most of the time Im happy this way, but every now and then it creeps up and you have a bawl day. Kinda good to have it when you have something to bawl about. Kinda a 2 for 1 then.
Anyway I know you dont like advice, but remember that people also have been there before you and just might save you plumbing bills... the hairdryer trick is an old one we used back in the 70's in our old house in Minnesota. On those -30 days for a week when all the pipes freeze even not in the country... and leaving the warm water on a trickle in all the sinks and shower when you know its going to be that cold. Sure you have a higher hot water bill but not burst pipes. Im glad you gave it a try.
Glad all the critters survived, they do have a way of focusing you on just getting done the most important things, enough food and warm to live, the rest of it will sort itself out.
Its sure harder too at your age, I was dealing then with so many expectations, mine and ohters, what life is supposed to look like, what I thought it would be and wasnt. I dont know if its a comfort but you will grow out of it and leave that behind. You seem to be finding your own strength and definitions every time you face a struggle and the worlds shoulds etc will keep falling away. Its a process to recover from all our programming. Hang in there, spring is coming. Its 60+ here, so our warm is headed your direction! Cheers, Kate

January 25, 2013 at 5:43 PM  
Blogger Victoria Nidetch said...

You are strong Jenna, everyone has these moments. It's the climbing out of the darkness and getting on with your life as you will it that is the test. I am sending prayers your way.

January 25, 2013 at 5:55 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Glad to hear this. It does get better...we all have our pity parties at one time or another. We just have to drag ourselves out that pool and remember the blessings we have.

Take care kiddo.

Cath

January 25, 2013 at 6:13 PM  
Blogger shepherdkelly said...

I love the hair dryer story. You said that and I thought, there you go! Yay! I get lonely this time of year too and I think it's just the time of year when we are shut up inside. :)

January 25, 2013 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger Karen C said...

I am a psychotherapist, and if I could, I would "prescribe" goat therapy to everyone.

January 25, 2013 at 7:50 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

My grandmother is a millionaire. Her pipes freeze. She uses a hairdryer to thaw them out. It is what it is.

January 25, 2013 at 7:55 PM  
Blogger Brenda London said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

January 25, 2013 at 8:01 PM  
Blogger Brenda London said...

oh I feel for you Jenna. winter doldrums gets us down too. days are short and cold, every living thing wants stuff from us when we want, no need, a soft warm cocoon to crawl into and some cold hard cash would be nice too. National Grid has us on auto dial/nag. same as every past winter. I had to remind my husband that it is the same every winter as he was in the deep stewing doldrums yesterday. today it's my turn. I went out this morning, intending to dash around (in my flannel nightgown, boots, coat)feed, then go in , defrost, get coffee. Instead I found my horses on the lawn, no fences down. Following tracks (still in that nightgown) led out onto the pond, and across. that's a bad thing and they never did that before, they could fall in around the springs. like I can really do something about that? not. it's a big mother pond, no way can I fence around it, never was an issue before, in the 20 yrs of farming this piece. so I have to let it go(right after I rounded them up while they were high tailing all over the place). they are now in the north pasture, we'll see if they venture from that place out onto the pond. they could if they wanted or figured it out. it's been a cold winter moon for us, but evidently for my equines, it has been a jellicle moon. they were partying out there on the pond, all over the friggin pond. guess it's safe for skating.((hugs))my farm friend.and if you want a safe place to skate, come on over. the ice is deep.

January 25, 2013 at 8:03 PM  
Blogger Teri said...

I live in an RV and Rv'ers often deal with frozen pipes if they find themselves in a cold place, hair dryers work good. I am currently living alone and, like you, hope to find someone to share my dreams and troubles with. Hoping you find all that you are wishing for. You are doing a great job and I enjoy following along with you.

January 25, 2013 at 8:39 PM  
Blogger Darcee Neeld said...

Breaking down but still working through it is what makes you one tough lady. Your blog is as always inspiring.

January 25, 2013 at 9:17 PM  
Blogger kandy Gray said...

absolutely nothing wrong with braking down, sitting on the floor and crying, as long as you eventually pick yourself back up and try to fix it.

and to Janet in Hall's Harbour, love ya lady. love ya.

January 25, 2013 at 9:20 PM  
Blogger kandy Gray said...

oh, and by the way, January really does suck! but the light is coming back! look up at 4:45 tomarow afternoon, and there will be light!

January 25, 2013 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Karen from CT said...

Jenna, I never doubted for one minute that you would figure a way to make things ok for yourself. You have amazing inner strength and so you had a brief spell of weakness. So what? Thankfully you are human and not perfect, although you are pretty perfect many in other ways! Love you girl for your grit and willingness to share the good and the bad with us.

January 25, 2013 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Sharon said...

Get yourself some dark chocolate, and things will seem better. Sharon in Oregon

January 25, 2013 at 9:49 PM  
Blogger WTB said...

OK, calling all Jenna fans .... go to the blog and click some ads! Our way of showing some ( $$$ ) love for all of Jenna's words.

January 25, 2013 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger Rosie said...

Hang in there babe you are not alone. Lessons and growth can be trying but you come out the other side such a stronger person.

I've been there down on my knees asking GOD for help because I did not see a way and HE made a way and things just lined up.

I am alone on this ranch with my nearest neighbors 1/2 mile and 1 mile away. Talk about being alone. 1700 miles from my family. I did not know a soul when I moved here 9 months ago, but it all works out.
Lessons, growth, you are so blessed with strength to face what comes your way. You can do it.... I am proud of you!

January 25, 2013 at 10:04 PM  
Blogger Sue Ming said...

Congratulations JENNA! Thank you so much for taking the time to share this exciting information.

grow room plans

January 26, 2013 at 2:55 AM  
Blogger Michele Couture said...

The thing I appreciate most about this blog is the truth and reality you put into your writing. We hope to do much more in the future on our little plot of land in the city, and your sharing is a great encouragement that life is going to happen and if we are willing to do the work, we will get through whatever comes our way.

Thank you for sharing!

January 26, 2013 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger Susan said...

"When you're going through hell - keep going." -Winston Churchill. http://susantblake.com/remember-to-look-up/. Good on you.

January 26, 2013 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger Susan said...

"When you're going through hell - keep going." -Winston Churchill. http://susantblake.com/remember-to-look-up/. Good on you!

January 26, 2013 at 9:57 AM  
Blogger No Name Farm/Ranch said...

I'm jumping up and down, cheering for you down here in Texas. The thing is, you do honestly make a huge deal of difference for so many of us fighting the good fight between guts and convention. Guts and grit win every time - I'm rooting for you so hard, and rooting for me, and rooting for all us folks trying to extricate ourselves from conventional expectations so that we can scratch out more meaningful lives from the dirt. Or on cold basement floors. Also - I could not possibly agree more about dairy goats in lieu of therapists. Nothing grounds and comforts me like a few solid minutes in the barn with my girls, Jolene and Pearlsnaps. Thanks again (again, again) for these reminders and kicks-in-the butt. Chin up, girl.

January 26, 2013 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

and thank you to all who share support, stories, love, and encouragement. I need it and appreciate it!

January 26, 2013 at 10:30 AM  
Blogger SouthernHeart said...

Jenna, there's a well of strength inside of you and you obviously tapped that. That's a good thing. It's perfectly normal and okay to have that occasional "cry party". There's something cleansing and restorative about a few tears - or even a bucket of them. God knows I've shed my share of tears in the past year as my life has been rearranged. Your blog is real because you share, not only the fun and successful times, but because you share the nitty-gritty day to day struggles that, truth be told, we can all identify with. Just take one day at the time and rejoice on this sweet farm. I have no doubt you can do it all.

Blessings,
Dianne
www.sweetjourneyhome.com

January 26, 2013 at 11:22 AM  
Blogger Jennifer D Riley said...

In addition to hair dryer on a stick, I recommend collecting the [wet-dry] canister vacuum cleaner wands. They can be assembled, re-assembled and reinforced with duct tape so that you extend your reach quite a bit.

January 26, 2013 at 2:01 PM  
Blogger RamblinHome said...

You do just need a good cry to get it all out and then, you stand up, dust yourself off and get on with it! I'm glad the farm has thawed and all are safe and warm!

January 26, 2013 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger Sewing Machine Girl said...

I think that Full Wolf Moon has amplified you.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7531/full-moon-harness-the-energy-make-it-work-for-you.html

You can climb out of it. I have faith in you.

January 26, 2013 at 6:25 PM  
Blogger Nella Martins said...

Wether you are going through a good time or a bad your blog is inspirational. Thanks for sharing. You are a woman of courage!!!

January 27, 2013 at 4:36 AM  
Blogger Nella Martins said...

Whether you are going through good times or bad your Blog is inspirational. You are a woman of courage!!

January 27, 2013 at 4:42 AM  
Blogger Sonny Jobe said...

That bake stove is nice but can't come close to the true heat from a dedicated Papa Bear type woodstove that you should have invested in. It may be time to thin the herd if feeding them continues to tap your funds so heavy. Also, consider insulating your pipes this winter, it is not the first or second time this has happened to you there.

January 27, 2013 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger The Kelly's Adventures in KY said...

Love how you turned this turmoil around! Inspirational again Jenna! Thank you for sharing!!

January 28, 2013 at 7:54 AM  
Blogger The Kelly's Adventures in KY said...

Love how you turned this turmoil around! Inspirational again Jenna! Thank you for sharing!!

January 28, 2013 at 7:55 AM  
OpenID Cheryl said...

Thank you for your honesty in posting--it was a help as I was heading down the path to victimhood (which I hate) and needed a heads-up.

January 29, 2013 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger Melissa Camus said...

Yeah. Yeah. Shaking my head. I've been going through a lot of this the past year- divorce from an abusive husband, my son being diagnosed with Aspergers, me being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, moving to where I thought we could make a life, to have the landlord give me 30 days to be out because hes selling the house, to finding a small farm, then having that fall through and right now I have FIVE DAYS to figure it out for my kids and I, I was laid off when the company I worked for went bankrupt and restructured... I'm at a loss. The past three days have been me curled up in a ball sobbing like a crazy woman. I don't have family to help, I'm on my own with the kids and pets, but I will somehow figure it out. I always do. The burden of doing it alone gets to be a bit much sometimes, but... the adage "Keep Calm, Carry On" is tattooed (literally) on my forearm... and it keeps me sane. I'm online looking for a new home right now, and finding solace in your blog, and it keeps me WANTING, DESIRING, and moving toward the goal of a small farm, true to my hearts desires. Thank you, Jenna.

February 1, 2013 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger Melissa Camus said...

Yeah. Yeah. Shaking my head. I've been going through a lot of this the past year- divorce from an abusive husband, my son being diagnosed with Aspergers, me being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, moving to where I thought we could make a life, to have the landlord give me 30 days to be out because hes selling the house, to finding a small farm, then having that fall through and right now I have FIVE DAYS to figure it out for my kids and I, I was laid off when the company I worked for went bankrupt and restructured... I'm at a loss. The past three days have been me curled up in a ball sobbing like a crazy woman. I don't have family to help, I'm on my own with the kids and pets, but I will somehow figure it out. I always do. The burden of doing it alone gets to be a bit much sometimes, but... the adage "Keep Calm, Carry On" is tattooed (literally) on my forearm... and it keeps me sane. I'm online looking for a new home right now, and finding solace in your blog, and it keeps me WANTING, DESIRING, and moving toward the goal of a small farm, true to my hearts desires. Thank you, Jenna.

February 1, 2013 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Melissa C - email me, this community can help you. Myself and others would be grateful for the opportunity to be generous.

February 1, 2013 at 3:54 PM  

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