Tuesday, December 18, 2012

My Good Boy

Yesterday morning I helped Jazz into my truck and drove the mile to our vet's office. I knew it would most likely be his last ride in the truck. After months of decline, painful spinal arthritis, infections, and being pushed around by the other dogs I knew it was time to let him go. The last three nights before his death I was woken up in the middle of the night by his yowls of pain, and the night before I stayed up with him, falling asleep on the floor by his side. I knew, that night, that the vet would be called first thing in the morning.

The vet fully supported the decision. She was wonderful, telling me a story about a Buddhist and her dog and offering tissues and water. The work of ending his life did not take long. He passed peacefully on the office floor, my face buried in the rough of his neck as the vet delivered the heart-stopping syringe. As he was fading the vet told me to tell him how much I loved him, and all I could say was "he knows" and then he was still. When it was all over, the staff gave me a few moments with his body and then told me they would mail me the bill.

I drove home with just his collar and leash. His body remained behind and would get a private cremation later that week. I didn't feel guilty, just hollow. As if someone just took away the ability to feel or react. I looked at the empty passenger side, and the window. On the short ride down Jazz was leaning painfully against it, his eyes glazed over. I then realized I should have cracked the window, or opened it so he could feel the fast air on his face one last time. I didn't think of this one kindness, and broke down into a kind of cry that doesn't let you drive.

After college I was offered a job in the Urban South. I was leaving behind family, friends, and 22 years in the Northeast, which was the only place I knew as home. I had only been on my own two weeks before that wolf was my roommate. I adopted Jazz in 2005 from Tennessee Sled Dog Rescue, outside of Knoxville. I went there with the full intention of taking home a malamute, not a Sibe. Malamutes were my dream dogs, a manifestation of adventure and independence from a childhood of reading Jack London novels. But when I pulled into the driveway of the kennel I saw a flash of red running down the hill. I can still see that powerful blur of color in the rainy mud. A lone Siberian Husky in a sea of giant Alaskans. After looking at dozens of young Malamutes, it was the six-year-old red dog that I wanted to meet. He had been following me around the kennel for the entire tour, his yellow eyes glowing behind a smile. I had never seen a more beautiful and calm animal that looked so wild. He laid down in my lap and was mine. I took him home in my new (to me) silver Subaru Forester.

He was with me through moves of five states. He hiked with me through the Smoky Mountains, pulled me through the wilds of Idaho in a dogsled, Drove on cross country road trips to Pennsylvania, walked aside goats and geese in Vermont, and came of an old and beloved age here in New York. He went from a pet to just a natural part of my life, the care of him as normal as showering or starting up the truck - actions you do without thinking of them as a burden. Jazz was never a burden. For seven years he was my dog. He was family.



This Video was made in 2009, right when I was at my most scared for the the farm. That winter of 2009/2010 I was told I was being kicked out of the cabin in Vermont and had to find a new place for the animals and I. I was broke, worried, and so emotionally invested in agriculture and writing as my calling I refused to give them up. I was certain of just two things: I needed to keep the farm going, and I had no idea how to pull it off. I made it. Jazz was there through it all.

170 Comments:

Blogger Ab said...

I am so sorry for your loss Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 9:29 AM  
Blogger Karen C said...

My heart breaks with yours. I've had to make that drive too, and the memory never leaves you. Take care through this time of grief, know that there are others sending you love.

December 18, 2012 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger bookkm said...

Oh, I am crying with empathy. So sorry for your loss.

December 18, 2012 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Gayle said...

Jenna, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to say goodbye even when it's for the best. My heart is broken for you. Gayle

December 18, 2012 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Jenna, I'm so, so sorry. I'm sitting here at my desk at work dripping tears for your good boy.

December 18, 2012 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger Gayle said...

Jenna, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to say goodbye even when it's for the best. My heart is broken for you. Gayle

December 18, 2012 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Jenna, I'm so, so sorry. I'm sitting here at my desk at work, dripping tears for your good boy.

December 18, 2012 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Vintage Jones said...

I am so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.

Melissa
www.sunshinesistersfarms.com

December 18, 2012 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger Victoria Nidetch said...

Condolences on the loss of Jass Jenna. You gave him a good life.

December 18, 2012 at 9:39 AM  
Blogger SC Brown said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Please consider yourself hugged.

December 18, 2012 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Kate Mary Betty said...

My heart goes out to you...it is never an easy decision, but they always tell you when the time has come to leave this plane...your good boy will always be with you in your heart...

KJ
Windwomen Farm

December 18, 2012 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger MollyKnits said...

So sorry for your loss. *hugs*

December 18, 2012 at 9:44 AM  
Blogger kimberlesk said...

{Hugs} Jenna. Godspeed Jazz.

December 18, 2012 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger chesapeake said...

All the best to you today and the weeks ahead, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 9:50 AM  
Blogger MIB said...

Jenna, I wanted to share this quote with you yesterday--I always think of it when a beloved dog passes:

Near this Spot are deposited the Remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferocity, and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.

This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery if inscribed over human Ashes, is but a just tribute to the Memory of BOATSWAIN, a DOG, who was born in Newfoundland May 1803 and died at Newstead Nov. 18, 1808.
-Lord Byron

December 18, 2012 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Debi said...

Jenna, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You did your very best for Jazz every day of his life, please don't be too hard on yourself for things you think you should or shouldn't have done...You loved him, he knew it, and that's all that really matters.

Sending hugs, and love to you this morning from Ky.

Blessings,
Debi

December 18, 2012 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger MIB said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

December 18, 2012 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Mary Schroeder said...

Sympathy

December 18, 2012 at 9:54 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I'm so so sorry for your loss, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 9:55 AM  
Blogger kwdiving said...

It is the hardest part of having animals as companions. I have done that drive too, and I am so very sorry you had to experience that. I am sad for your loss as well as Jazz's. peace and love to you both.

December 18, 2012 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Lisa Clark said...

Jenna, I read your blog every day & have never commented before, but I just had to tell you I am so sorry for your loss of Jazz. He was well loved.

December 18, 2012 at 10:04 AM  
Blogger Lisa Clark said...

Jenna, I read your blog every day & have never commented before, but I had to today. I am so sorry for your loss of Jazz. He was well loved.

December 18, 2012 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger Melanie J. said...

My thoughts are with you and Annie. Sending hugs!

December 18, 2012 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger Kate Mary Betty said...

My heart goes out to you...it is never an easy decision, but they always tell you when the time has come to leave this plane...your good boy will always be with you in your heart...

KJ
Windwomen Farm

December 18, 2012 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger richardborton said...

I wish for you:
The freedom to grieve completely,
The peace to rest and recuperate, and
The memories of joy, love and shared adventures to brighten the rest of your days.

So sorry.

December 18, 2012 at 10:14 AM  
Blogger jonkatz said...

Sorry, Jenna. A lucky dog.

December 18, 2012 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger Mist said...

Surrounding you in love and peace as you grieve, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 10:19 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

What a beautiful story, Jenna. And a beautiful life.

December 18, 2012 at 10:20 AM  
Blogger Pit Stop Farm said...

I am soo sorry for your loss as I have experienced this much too frequently in recent years. I'm sure you've seen this before, a poem called Rainbow Bridge, but I thought it might provide some comfort.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

December 18, 2012 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger Maine homesteader said...

I am so sad for you and tears are close. I have been down that road with two loved companions. One for 13 years and one for almost 15. They saw me through some rough times.

December 18, 2012 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger doglady said...

We know when we let them become family they'll break our hearts some day. Hopefully we never break theirs and they cross Rainbow Bridge with tails up.

December 18, 2012 at 10:32 AM  
Blogger Asia said...

You gave him great life and he enriched yours. Remember all the joy, all the love... Those memories will never leave.

December 18, 2012 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger Sue said...

So sorry for your loss.

December 18, 2012 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

So sorry Jenna :'( Your video is awesome! Your boy had quite an adventure!

December 18, 2012 at 10:40 AM  
Blogger Sandy said...

love to you Jenna, may peace and light surround you now.

December 18, 2012 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Sandy said...

love, light & peace to you Jenna

December 18, 2012 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Sandy said...

love to you Jenna, may peace and light surround you now.

December 18, 2012 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Bill and Libby said...

When people tell me that my adopted dogs are lucky to have me, it always surprises me somewhat, because I feel that I am so much luckier to have them... The end comes much too soon with dogs, but I'm glad to think that Jazz lived long enough to see you settled home at Cold Antler.

December 18, 2012 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

The only thought that consoled me when I last lost a beloved dog was this: For all the pain of losing him, I would not have missed having him in my life for anything on God's green earth. Will be thinking of you.

December 18, 2012 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Marianne cas said...

My heart is breaking for you, having been through this myself. I wish peace for you and that you know he had a wonderful long life with you, and he will always be with you in spirit.
http://www.petloss.com/rainbowbridge.htm

December 18, 2012 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger Gail said...

Sitting here crying and remembering the first time I had to make that drive. Pull sleds to your hearts content, Jenna's Jazz.

December 18, 2012 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger SouthernHeart said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. What a wonderful life Jazz had with you. He knew he was loved.

December 18, 2012 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger Alison said...

Ah, what an empty space he leaves behind. What a grand life he led. How astonishing to know his passing is mourned by hundreds, if not thousands, around the world.

Peace be with you, and with Annie.

December 18, 2012 at 10:58 AM  
Blogger Brooke said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 10:59 AM  
Blogger Brooke said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 11:00 AM  
Blogger Aurora Raven said...

There are no words that I can say to fill the space in you right now. I will say that you are a remarkable woman on an incredible journey and although Jazz will not be there in the flesh, he is strong and full of love and gratitude for your time together. He will always walk beside you.

December 18, 2012 at 11:01 AM  
Blogger Joleen said...

Peace and much love to you.

December 18, 2012 at 11:05 AM  
Blogger Lelainia N. Lloyd said...

It was the right thing to do but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I dread this day I know will come for me too, but hopefully not for a long, long time. *hugs* Godspeed Jazz.

December 18, 2012 at 11:07 AM  
Blogger The Weekend Homesteader said...

I just had to make that decision for my 18 year old cat, Lucy. The wound is still very raw, so I feel your pain. Best wishes to you.

December 18, 2012 at 11:08 AM  
Blogger jules said...

What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful dog.

I feel you Jenna. I've made that trip too many times just this year.

You done good. He does know.

December 18, 2012 at 11:14 AM  
Blogger shrlckhlms said...

This is beautiful. I'm so sorry...but at the same time glad for your long live with him. Warm hug.

December 18, 2012 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger kadfoto said...

So sorry Jenna. Sending hugs and love.

December 18, 2012 at 11:17 AM  
Blogger seagoddess said...

Dear Jenna,
My heart just broke a little for you. May you find peace in the coming days. May Jazz be running free in Heaven. And may we all be blessed to feel that kind of love just once.
xo

December 18, 2012 at 11:19 AM  
Blogger DarcC said...

My heartfelt condolences.

December 18, 2012 at 11:24 AM  
Blogger jenomnibus said...

Big hugs to you, Jenna. You were a great dog mom and companion to Jazz and you gave him an amazing life. I'm sad for the loss of Jazz, and my heart goes out to you. Thanks for letting us get to know him as you have.

December 18, 2012 at 11:32 AM  
OpenID 2e6ec4d6-4931-11e2-a8f4-000f20980440 said...

Oh my Dear...

As I sat and read your post about Jazz..my eyes filled with tear and my heart was hurting for you! I, like so many others here, have felt the loss of a dear family member/pet. I have read each of the posts from people and want to join in offering my deepest, most heartfelt condolences. Your decision was hard, but you said that you and the vet agreed it was right. Even so, I know that was not easy. Jazz is no longer in pain but has crossed into the land where he is whole again and will await the time when he and you will be reunited. Oh, what a wonderful time that will be for you and him. May your hurt be shortlived knowing that you did right by your friend, your companion, your loved Dog. God bless you Jenna and the memory of Jazz! He will surely be missed by all of us who knew him, through you!

December 18, 2012 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Laurinda Matheson said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. I've been there. Love and hugs from a reader.

December 18, 2012 at 11:38 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Myriam Diamond said...

So sorry for your loss, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 11:39 AM  
Blogger Winnie said...

So sorry for your loss, Jenna. I made the same journey with my cat of 17 years this past Halloween. Here's a poem I'd like to share,

Do not stand at my grave and weep
by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.


December 18, 2012 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger bellananda said...

oh, jenna...sending so much love to you.

season

December 18, 2012 at 11:42 AM  
Blogger Winnie said...

So sorry for your loss, Jenna. I made the same journey with my cat of 17 years this past Halloween. I'd like to share this poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
by Mary Eliabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

December 18, 2012 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

Thinking about you and Jazz. I know this feeling of loss very well. It isn't easy at all, but it will get better. In a few months, you will still miss him, but possibly be crying tears of joy for his lack of pain and the great memories you have of him. Much love your way.:)

December 18, 2012 at 11:47 AM  
Blogger Ngo Family Farm said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking for you, losing a dog is so hard. What a full and wonderful life he shared with you. You certainly did right by him in his life and in his death.
xo,
Jaime

December 18, 2012 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger Eileen Hileman said...

Jenna, I think their special dogs that come into our lives for a purpose - Jon Katz calls them "spirit animals" Jazz was a spirit dog - given to guide and comfort. The beginning of your independent life - he was there, the moves - he was there, the realization of your dreams - he was there. And he'll continue to be there for you in ways you don't yet realize or recognize. Your heart is hurting and it feels like there is a hole in the fabric of your life and the farm right now but Jazz is always going to be there - because he is a part of you, your life, the farm - like thread woven into fabric - he will remain there forever woven into all you are and will become.

December 18, 2012 at 11:55 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Some words of comfort for you dear Jenna.

Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you.
Do not let the thought of me be sad,
For I am loving you just as I always have.
You were SO good to me! I loved you so...'Twas heaven here with you.

Blessings,
Cathy

December 18, 2012 at 12:08 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

I had those same moments on the floor in the vet office with my beloved golden retriever, Casey. We brought her home to be buried on our property. There's a red maple planted on top of her grave now.
I'm crying with you, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger Matthew Smith said...

So very sorry for your loss. Saying goodbye is the absolute worst. Hold on to the memories. You are in our thoughts.

December 18, 2012 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

I had those same moments on the floor in the vet office with my beloved golden retriever, Casey. We brought her home to be buried on our property. There's a red maple planted on top of her grave now.
I'm crying with you, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger Stacey said...

Oh, Jenna. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved boy. Bless you for the wonderful life you gave him and I hope that you find peace.

December 18, 2012 at 12:12 PM  
Blogger Miriam said...

I am so, so sorry to hear that Jazz has gone. It's such a complicated package deal - we welcome them into our hearts and lives knowing that we will lose them one day. Love and loss, all wrapped up together.

December 18, 2012 at 12:23 PM  
Blogger Peacemom said...

Jenna,
Peace to you and to Jazz and Annie, as I'm sure she's missing him as well. There's nothing in the world to compare to the love of a dog. He is pain free and smiling at you from above, Jenna. Wishing you healing. ~Vonnie

December 18, 2012 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

It is the last great kindness we can do our loved pets. I have been there too many times but always think about all the good years that led up to the last sad moment. I also am crying with you.
Peter

December 18, 2012 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Jeane said...

Our Dear Jenna..my heart breaks for you. Hopefully all the heartfelt sentiments from your community here will help in your healing that will come with time. Hugs to you and the rest of your clan.

December 18, 2012 at 12:35 PM  
Blogger Noël McNeil said...

Sorry just doesn't fit, but it will have to do. My hubby and I lost our favorite dog a few years ago and I still miss him. I'm sure you will too.
***The video was great and it was nicely done.

December 18, 2012 at 12:40 PM  
Blogger Carrie in Wisconsin said...

I'm so sorry Jenna. Losing your best friend is always so hard. Sending love and hugs your way!

December 18, 2012 at 12:51 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

OH honey.. I'm so sorry..
But he had the best Mama evarrrrrr..

hugs and love
from TN
Denise

December 18, 2012 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger Pamela said...

Jenna, I am so sorry for your loss. It is almost three years since we lost our beloved Shadow and I still miss him. Tho' there is an empty place by the fireside, may the joy you shared with Jazz bring you comfort.

December 18, 2012 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger J.D. Collins said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. How's Annie?

December 18, 2012 at 1:08 PM  
Blogger daisy said...

Weren't you blessed to share this life-if only for a little while. Sending you comfort...

December 18, 2012 at 1:09 PM  
Blogger Moose Hollow Farm said...

I am typing this through tears. My heart breaks for you, Jenna. We went through the same thing with our 9 year old Samoyed, Golden Retriever, Lab cross almost 4 years ago. We had her cremated and we keep her ashes in our home so that we always remember Sweet Emma. She will always be in our hearts. You are in my thoughts and prayers today, friend.

December 18, 2012 at 1:09 PM  
OpenID 9ade04ec-12ef-11e2-a2da-000bcdcb5194 said...

Feeling your pain so strongly and grieving for your loss of Jazz. Having an animal brings so much happiness and joy into a person's life, but then there's also the heartbreak of losing them. When I was younger, my family had to let three of our pets go and it was so difficult as they were sitting there alive one minute and gone the next. I never wanted to hurt that badly again, but I love animals so much that I now have a basset hound, four greyhounds, and a Belgian malinois. These dogs are my other children. They love me unconditionally, unlike my human children (at times). I know the inevitable will happen, but I can't even allow myself to think about it. I am crying for you and your Jazz. I'm so sorry...

December 18, 2012 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger RamblinHome said...

Oh Jenna - I'm sitting in a meeting at work, reading this and doing my best not to let the floodgates flow. Please know that you are in my heart and in my thoughts! You gave a 6 yr old dog a loving and wonderful home and that was one of the most wonderful things you could do!

December 18, 2012 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger RamblinHome said...

Oh Jenna - I'm sitting in a meeting at work, reading this and doing my best not to let the floodgates flow. Please know that you are in my heart and in my thoughts! You gave a 6 yr old dog a loving and wonderful home and that was one of the most wonderful things you could do!

December 18, 2012 at 1:20 PM  
Blogger Bovey Belle said...

I am so sorry to read this, but take comfort from the fact the Jazz chose you and you had 7 very special years together. Not that it makes it any easier for you right now. I am sure that many of your readers are shedding tears with you tonight. I know I am.

December 18, 2012 at 1:21 PM  
Blogger Sandy said...

it is always hard to say goodbye to our best friend...animal or human, makes no difference! as for that unopened window...i am sure that jazz cherished breathing in your breaths one last time more than an open window!

December 18, 2012 at 1:23 PM  
Blogger Brenda London said...

I am so sorry for you. lots of tears in our county today. we just buried our horse and husband will do a tobacco ceremony in his Cherokee tradition. Ginger liked dogs, they'd be running all over in the next place, but Ginger would be looking for a fence to knock over so your dog needs to dart under it real quick like.((hugs))

December 18, 2012 at 1:36 PM  
Blogger TransFarmer said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

December 18, 2012 at 1:40 PM  
Blogger Crisy said...

Those that love us never truly leave us - prayers and healing energy to you

December 18, 2012 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger Crisy said...

Those that love us never truly leave us - prayers and healing energy to you

December 18, 2012 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Oh Jenna...don't feel guilty. He knows how much you loved him. You're thoughts were so consumed with having to say goodbye you couldn't think of anything else.

Be well...blessings.

The Hoff's

December 18, 2012 at 2:01 PM  
Blogger Ellen Rathbone said...

That day is just around the corner for me, too. My heart's with you.

December 18, 2012 at 2:02 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. My heart goes out to you! I feel your loss. I have an old lab who is going down hill quickly. We're trying to decide when it's time.

December 18, 2012 at 2:09 PM  
Blogger feathers217 said...

I am so sorry Jenna , I know of that special love and of it's pain. I lost my Frisco last year on the 21st of December , this week has been especially hard. We are lucky in so many ways to have shared that special one of a kind love and to never have it questioned. Now my tears are doubled as I wish I could give you a huge hug & a shoulder to lean on if needed. In 14 years I have gone through this 3 times now and it passes with the flood of happy memories of the life we lived together. You will get there , but for now you have all of us here to lean on and we are here for you.

December 18, 2012 at 2:16 PM  
Blogger Heather Knight said...

So hard to lose a dog. He is making room for something new in your life.

December 18, 2012 at 2:16 PM  
Blogger sugarwood thoughts said...

So sorry, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 2:22 PM  
Blogger singinggardengirl said...

So sorry...hugs.

December 18, 2012 at 2:25 PM  
Blogger Kira said...

Jenna,
Your post on Monday was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever written on your blog. And you’ve written a whole lot of beautiful things. It was so simple and hit right at the heart and has brought tears to my eyes each time I read it or think of it. “Stay with me, my good boy.” That is what I will hope for myself when the day comes for me to say goodbye to my dog. And I know Jazz will stay with you forever – in your heart, your memories, your dreams, guiding your future, influencing your farm. What a good boy!

December 18, 2012 at 2:30 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Thank you all. Annie seems fine, happy even. She looked for him and then ate dinner.

Thank you Kira. Bur I don't know if that is my writing or from something else I read long ago. It felt familiar when I wrote it.

December 18, 2012 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger PurrfectPetSitting said...

I'm so sorry Jenna. It's never easy to make that decision, even when you know it's the right thing.

December 18, 2012 at 3:19 PM  
Blogger marilyn said...

Dear Friend,
I share your grief and sadness during this time. Katz says you get the dog you need and when his work is done, he leaves. I believe it. Do read his book, Coming Home, if you haven't. You gave Jazz the very best life possible. Keeping you in my prayers.

December 18, 2012 at 3:24 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Jenna, I have no wise words. I've been silent because of that. I have shared in your tears, and been praying for you and Jazz throughout it all. Much love!

December 18, 2012 at 3:35 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

So sorry Jenna. We just went through this with Lucky Dog. We are thinking of you.

Kate

December 18, 2012 at 3:36 PM  
Blogger Carol said...

I read this at my office and started to tear up. Your selflessness saved him from a shelter and then you gave him a home and adventures any dog (or person for that matter) would be jealous of. He had a wonderful life with you and you gave him a dignified death.

I am sorry for your loss of Jazz and hope you are comforted by your memories and the love and support of your family, friends and supporters.

Carol Bailey

December 18, 2012 at 3:43 PM  
Blogger Anke said...

I am so sorry for your loss Jenna. May the memories of happy times console you and ease your pain

December 18, 2012 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger Chicky said...

I'm so sorry.

December 18, 2012 at 4:09 PM  
Blogger Paulette said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, and know that you are in our thoughts. What a beautiful eulogy.

December 18, 2012 at 4:17 PM  
Blogger Karen Talamantez said...

Good boy, Jazz.

Hugs to you, Jenna.

December 18, 2012 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Abby said...

So, so sorry Jenna. I wish I had better words to bring you peace and comfort at this time.

December 18, 2012 at 4:44 PM  
Blogger Nathan Bennett said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I have made that trip myself. It is never easy to let them go even when you know it is for the best. They make such an impact on our lives yet they are only with us for a short time. The memories will be with you forever.

December 18, 2012 at 4:56 PM  
Blogger kimberlesk said...

Love the video and love the books. Thank you for sharing so much -- the good, the bad and even the sad. Thank you for sharing your good boy too. He sure had a great life with you. Sorry for your loss.

December 18, 2012 at 4:56 PM  
Blogger lemontreelane said...

Oh Jenna....

December 18, 2012 at 4:59 PM  
Blogger lemontreelane said...

Oh Jenna....

December 18, 2012 at 4:59 PM  
Blogger ecogrrl said...

Sending love and light to you and Jazz.

December 18, 2012 at 5:10 PM  
Blogger ican said...

😢

December 18, 2012 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I'm so, so sorry for your heartbreaking loss, Jenna. I said goodbye to two very old dogs this past summer, and I still cry over their passing. I'm so thankful for the years you and Jazz had together. You're right; he DID know how much you love him. You eased his passing... the last kindness you could offer him. I'm weeping for you now, and weeping for my dogs, too. May your loving memories of him remain forever vibrant.

December 18, 2012 at 5:35 PM  
Blogger Alicia-Marie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Jazz had a loving home.

December 18, 2012 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger Sarah Fain said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. My dog, Daisy, died in March... and still I settle her in beside me every night when I go to bed. Jazz will stay with you as long as you need him. And he will always know how much you loved him. Best, Sarah

December 18, 2012 at 5:45 PM  
Blogger Cara said...

My heart is with you. May your memories of him make you smile and help your heart to heal.

December 18, 2012 at 6:20 PM  
Blogger Cara said...

My heart is with you. May your memories of him make you smile and help your heart to heal.

December 18, 2012 at 6:21 PM  
Blogger Little Dash Rambler said...

Jazz could not have had a more wonderful life! I am grieving for you in the loss of your dear friend, and his memory and faithful companionship will lift you up, and in time, will make you smile. My deepest condolences .

December 18, 2012 at 6:26 PM  
Blogger Little Dash Rambler said...

Jazz could not have had a more wonderful life! I am grieving for you in the loss of your dear friend, and his memory and faithful companionship will lift you up, and in time, will make you smile. My deepest condolences .

December 18, 2012 at 6:27 PM  
Blogger rabbit said...

Jazz will be dearly missed-amongst our own wolf pack please know R and I (and the hounds) are sending love from afar. Snuggle Annie and Gibs extra hard tonight on our behalf.

December 18, 2012 at 6:44 PM  
Blogger bree said...

Oh Jenna, I am so very sorry. My heart breaks for you. I went through this one year ago. All I can say is that you will never ever forget him (of course) and eventually, in a year or more many of your thoughts of Jazz will make you smile instead of cry. In the meantime cry and scream a lot. It helps.

December 18, 2012 at 7:08 PM  
Blogger Mary M.(mymosk) said...

Jenna-
Hugs. I too, had to make this decision this past May with my beloved chocolate lab Moose. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Mary M

December 18, 2012 at 7:13 PM  
OpenID alewyfe said...

Oh, Jenna. I'm tearing up too! He was a good boy, and had a wonderful life with so much love. Thank you as always for sharing your story with us... sending hugs!

December 18, 2012 at 7:16 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

My heart aches for you.

December 18, 2012 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger 2 Punk Dogs said...

So sorry for your loss. Glad you have so many great memories of your time together.

December 18, 2012 at 7:42 PM  
Blogger 2 Punk Dogs said...

So sorry for your loss. Glad you have so many great memories of your time together.

December 18, 2012 at 7:43 PM  
Blogger Bran said...

Beautiful post. If you believe this sort of thing (as I do), he is watching over you and will always be by your side in spirit, as he will always be in your heart. Sending hugs to you.

Brandi in MD

December 18, 2012 at 8:05 PM  
Blogger rkb111@bellsouth.net said...

My dear, I am so very sorry.

December 18, 2012 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger rkb111@bellsouth.net said...

My dear, I am so very sorry.

December 18, 2012 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger ican said...

Sorry, don't know what happened with my previous post

I'm so sorry for your loss :-(

December 18, 2012 at 8:23 PM  
Blogger susan67 said...

I am so sorry for your loss of Jazz.

December 18, 2012 at 8:24 PM  
OpenID outdoors1968 said...

So sorry for the loss of Jazz, Jenna. Having read of you an him in your books, he feels like a integral part of your story, even to I, only a reader and not a participant. He enjoyed a life most dogs only dream of, living with you. Dogs fill a void in our hearts, and when they leave us they leave an even bigger void. But as with any affair of the heart, better to have loved.......

December 18, 2012 at 8:35 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

I am so sorry for your loss Jena.

December 18, 2012 at 8:41 PM  
Blogger Glyndalyn said...

Sorry to learn about Jazz. What an awesome dog.

December 18, 2012 at 8:50 PM  
Blogger karen said...

Jenna, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that all of your wonderful memories of Jazz give you comfort and joy in the days ahead. You shared a love that will always be with you. Karen from CT

December 18, 2012 at 9:02 PM  
Blogger deodar said...

I saw this somewhere and wrote it down, it is so very true.
"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them and every new dog that comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog and I will become as generous and loving as they are"
Anonymous

December 18, 2012 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger deodar said...

I read this somewhere and wrote it down, it is so true.
"It came to me that every time I lose a god they take a piece of my heart and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog and I will become as generous and loving as they are."
Anonymous

December 18, 2012 at 9:08 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. Jazz was a beautiful boy. Knowing that this day was coming never makes it any easier. The lives of our animals are never long enough, but you knew when to let Jazz into your life, and you knew when to let him go. And you loved him every minute in between.

December 18, 2012 at 9:30 PM  
Blogger Robyn said...

I am so sorry for your loss. He was a wonderful friend.

December 18, 2012 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger chili369 said...

Jenna, I have been following you along your journey for years. I have heard your up and downs. I am so proud of you. Try to focus on the wonderfull memories and try to move forward. You are inspiring to many. You are living live to the fullest with no regrets. Keep reaching for the stars...Jed

December 18, 2012 at 10:07 PM  
Blogger kathie said...

They leave too soon..... so sorry, sending loving hugs.

December 18, 2012 at 10:09 PM  
OpenID ditchthegrid said...

Wow. I just sobbed through that post. I am SO sorry, Jenna. I don't know if there's anything more difficult than putting down a beloved companion. Saying goodbye to that unconditional love. Letting the emptiness in the door. :( But you still have Annie and Gibson... And the three of you will be a comfort to one another.

December 18, 2012 at 10:35 PM  
Blogger Katie Swanberg said...

Been along on this journey since Idaho (I think), and hearing about Jazz made me tear up. Your story has somehow become our story, and every day I'm glad you share it - whatever it looks like. I'm sorry that today the pack is one less. XO

December 18, 2012 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Jenny Glen said...

Oh, Jenna I didn't know it was a back! Been there, done that (mine was only a 4yr old Ger. Shepherd. The pain flare ups were the worst when the dog that never took her eyes off me had a blank stare while she fought off her inner dragons. Not that I could say anything to make it better by knowing but I feel your pain even deeper knowing. I'm really sorry and so glad you have Gibson to hold on to tonight.

December 18, 2012 at 10:57 PM  
OpenID commonwealth said...

What a blessing that you and Jazz found each other. Be kind to yourself in this time, and know that you loved, and were loved, well.

December 18, 2012 at 11:30 PM  
Blogger Cathi said...

Oh Jenna, I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Jazz. He will leave a big hole. Hugs

December 18, 2012 at 11:54 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

My heart is breaking for you Jenna. *hugs*

December 19, 2012 at 12:19 AM  
Blogger high st farm said...

pick up the reins, you'll be fine.

December 19, 2012 at 12:27 AM  
Blogger Deb Naydan said...

Thinking of you Jenna with sympathy for your loss of your beautiful Jazz.

December 19, 2012 at 1:07 AM  
Blogger Anja said...

Sorry for your loss Jenna, I am feeling with you x

December 19, 2012 at 3:58 AM  
Blogger Anja said...

Sorry for your loss Jenna, I am feeling with you x

December 19, 2012 at 3:58 AM  
Blogger phaedra96 said...

He will be with you always...in your memories and your heart. Mourn him because he is gone; but fill your heart with joy because you knew him.

December 19, 2012 at 9:00 AM  
Blogger shelby said...

Jenna, I'm so very sorry.

December 19, 2012 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger shelby said...

Jenna, I'm so very sorry

December 19, 2012 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger Michelle Huddleston said...

I've been where you are, and my golden retrievers are my family as well. Through everything, every day in every way. I want to let you know how sorry I am. It will get better.

December 19, 2012 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

I'm so sorry Jenna :( It is never easy to lose a pet, no matter how much time you had with them. We lost one of our older dogs earlier this year, and we still miss her terribly. She was one of our babies before we had babies and had been through so much with us. Take some comfort in knowing that Jazz had a wonderful wonderful life with you that so many others could only dream of having and he KNEW how very loved he was. And bless you for letting him go surrounded by your love and without pain!

December 19, 2012 at 10:15 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Myers said...

Im so sorry jenna. we all have to face the loss, but its always worth the years of love. I wouldnt change a thing, and i know you wouldnt either. xoxo

December 19, 2012 at 12:10 PM  
Blogger Jennifer Myers said...

So sorry jenna. The loss cuts like a knife, but the years of love are worth the tears.

December 19, 2012 at 12:11 PM  
Blogger redhorse said...

I'm crying too. I know how you feel, they are so good to us, it's hard to let them go.

December 19, 2012 at 3:20 PM  
Blogger Cat said...

Just catching up after a couple of weeks and came to this. I'm tearing up at my computer having been in that situation several times before...knowing you are doing the right thing but it's still so hard. Thank you for picking a rescue dog. Thinking of you.

December 19, 2012 at 5:42 PM  
Blogger Patterson said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Jenna. That is one of the hardest drives to make.

December 19, 2012 at 6:00 PM  
Blogger Louis said...

Sorry. You gave him a lot of love.

December 19, 2012 at 11:10 PM  
Blogger Monique said...

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them.

And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart.

If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are." -Unknown

What a wonderful heartbreaking gift you gave him with a peaceful passing in the arms of his girl. To the last beat of his heart you were loyal, as he was to you. Thank you for sharing your experience, and for being there for Jazz at the end. Any of us who have walked this road known that hollow ache. My Paddy left 2 years ago and still I remember her each day.

http://dysphemisms.blogspot.com/2012/12/2_17.html

December 20, 2012 at 2:06 AM  
Blogger evildoer said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. You gave him a great life.

December 20, 2012 at 4:42 PM  
Blogger evildoer said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna. You gave him a great life.

December 20, 2012 at 4:42 PM  
Blogger knob creek farmer said...

Run and play now Jazz.

December 20, 2012 at 8:11 PM  
Blogger Tiffrz-N-Kidz said...

I am sorry for your loss. You did good by him and you are right, he knows that.

December 21, 2012 at 2:31 PM  
Blogger a.rogue (Alice) said...

Sorry I am reading this so late - fell behind on my reading...
But I just wanted to say that taking an animal into your life is accepting that you will have to go through this. We outlive them, plain and simple.
It is so important to deal with the end of their life with honour and dignity.
We can cry and mourn for a time, but remember the good times and the quality of the life you gave each other. You were both so much the richer for it.

January 12, 2013 at 10:36 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home