I get scared a lot. I'm scared right now, actually. I quit my job a little over a month ago and things are getting tight, fast. It's up to me to find the revenue to keep this place afloat doing what I love. This is why you see workshops, new ads, or the occasional item for sale. Money is a reality, and I need to earn a living like everyone else. Sometimes I get really worried everyone who reads this blog will just stop reading it, stop coming to workshops, stop looking forward to Antlerstock, and so on. I wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and scared, worried that deciding to make CAF my career was a pipe dream and a mistake. Worried I won't get the book deal I desperately need, and soon. Worried the power company will turn out the lights and the bank will take away my house and truck. I am a positive person, always have been, but I am also human. Fear is real. But we have the power to choose to fight it.
When I get scared I sing the chorus of the same song. I have sang it curled up in my bed at 3AM, tears running down my face thinking about a monster. I sang it when I was too tired or sick to really do outdoor chores, but knew the animals needed me, and this song came out while water buckets sloshed down my pants. I sang it when I didn't know how the mortgage would get paid this past June (first ever late payment, but I made it). I am sure I will sing it again, and soon.
So what's this song? It's called the Chillout Song, from the website of Ze Frank. One of his readers emailed him, asking for an audio hug of sorts. She wanted him to make up a song she could sing to herself when she was scared. Not only did he make up a song for her, he put it on his website and asked other people to send in recordings of themselves singing it. What he mixed together was this, and sent it to the scared woman. An entire online community came together, and the results are beautiful. Try it, if you need it. It helps.
Psst. If you can't listen to the song, try listening on his website, here, or buy it on itunes for one American dollar.