Friday, June 8, 2012

use her claws

The last words anyone said to me before I headed down the office driveway for the last time were "Enjoy your first afternoon of Freedom." It was nowhere near that simple. My mind was buzzing, wild with panic. Holy shit. What had I done? What now?

I got into the truck with Gibson, made a K turn, and then started away and I could not stop crying. I wasn't sad, or scared, or happy. It was one of those cries when you're just using tears, gasps and sobs to expel excess energy you need out of your body as quickly as possible. As I left the office property, and heading onto the two-lane road I started to cry so hard I almost puled over and Gibson grew concerned. He stepped on my thighs and licked my face. I told him that'll do, and he was a sweet boy, and pulled myself together for the next 16 miles or so home to Cold Antler.

When I pulled into the farm's drive I was no longer in tears, but still humming with that confusing and excessive energy. Unsure of what to do next, I went for a three mile run. My thoughts were simple: release the tension. Go out and exhaust yourself so you can think, Jenna.

I did just that. By the time I made it a mile and a half away from the farm it started to rain. Not a hard or intimidating rain, a gentle one. Drops of water hit my forearms and scalp like rain does on hot cement that's been cooking too long. It felt good. It felt like small blessings of holy water. I wanted to be one of the dogs in Dave Egger's short story I cherished. I thought about how he wrote about their open hearts, their free bodies. How every pumping stride of their sprints their claws dug into the earth, were what made it turn. I wanted to feel like a Fast, Fast Dog. I ran until my heart pounded in my temples.

I tried to suss out what was going on with me. Why wasn't I tearing off at a laugh? Why wasn't I thrilled, free and released? I had just taken a step I have been egging myself on towards for nearly half a decade. I had worked three jobs, figured out a business, had a full dance card ahead of me of writing projects, workshops, speaking gigs and more... and yet.

And yet it was still too much in the actual execution. Too big a step for simple high fives and raised glasses. Maybe if I came home to someone else who could tell me, something like "Great News! Let's go celebrate" and could guide me through the motions of life change like a seeing eye dog, I'd be on better footing. But there wasn't any roommate with banners and streamers, no husband or boyfriend waiting. There were about 85 animals interested in dinner, water, and milking and a house desperately in need of some serious TLC. It wasn't "squaller" but it wasn't the clean I was comfortable in.

So I mopped the kitchen floor. That's what I did with my first night of Freedom. I mopped the floor, and then poured a cocktail of lemonade of Firefly (a sweet tea vodka) and went out into the new hammock chair I installed on the giant King Maple outside the farmhouse. I crawled into it and its soft ropes held me swaying over the ground, suspended and still haunted by that hollow feeling of change. My body was sore from the jog, and the housework, and the emotionalism of it all. So I just finally resigned myself into that hammock, and took a bitter sip of my sweet drink. It felt like a cradle from a lullaby, but with booze.

Everything is going to be okay. I know that. But big steps like this (for me anyway) are all long-time coming but short-term explosive. I knew this day was approaching, but I met it numb and shaky. It was too much to swallow in a gulp, no matter how long I was holding the glass at my lips. I wish I could tell you all that I left that office cheering and laughing, and came home to milk a goat singing and then went out for a round of drinks on the Cambridge Hotel. But none of that happened. It mostly involved a lot of heavy breathing, sweat, and swaying. And falling asleep at night was very hard to do.

But this morning, it is different. I woke up with my day's plans brimming over. There's a party to plan here tonight.: a potluck bonfire! It is that celebration with friends and coworkers I feel I need to support and guide my choice a little. I'm doing it right, too. I have 7 pounds of pork defrosting for the bbq and a few cases of beer ready for ice in galvanized tubs. Tonight as the fireflies come out for their big show we'll be around a campfire behind the barn in the forest, sipping cold drinks by torch light and talking about our summers ahead.

Everything is going to be okay. I know that. But I am a bit scared, and uncertain, and know Monday morning will be the real wake up call. My new schedule starts that day, with writing in the morning, meditation, chores, running and more writing before lunch. I am ready for it. I just wish my footing was more certain. I feel like a jungle cat trying to climb a tree in tennis shoes. Everyone told her they'd help with her traction, and all she wants to do is use her claws.

If this all sounds negative, that wasn't my intention. My intention was honesty. It wasn't all back slaps and bluster, like a Frat party graduation. But those kind of celebrations? That happy certainty? I know it is on the way. I just wanted to share what I actually felt, and what I actually did. And I hope you'll stay tuned for what's ahead.

I feel like this blog is just about to start.

72 Comments:

Blogger Elizabeth from the Berkshires said...

Like I said before, change is good. But change is HARD. Listening to your body's wisdom and giving it what it needs is exactly what makes this whole thing right. All will be well.

June 8, 2012 at 6:36 AM  
Blogger RamblinHome said...

This is a gigantic step! Of course its going to take an emotional toll on you. But you're moving in the right direction...a direction many of us wish we were moving in.

I fully get your feelings of coming home to an empty (w/ the exception of animals) house and thinking how much less stressful it would be to have a partner to share the joys, the trials, and the work loads with; someone to kick you in the butt when you need it most! Just remember, you have a whole community of support, in person and online, standing behind you, chanting "Go Jenna Go!"

You are moving in the right direction!

June 8, 2012 at 6:40 AM  
Blogger Trekout2 said...

Today is the first day of the rest of your life ... You will make this work ..You've made the big change ....YOUR FREE

June 8, 2012 at 6:43 AM  
Anonymous Emily said...

I always try to remember that any change, even if it is something I want is hard. I have no doubt you will find your footing and be climbing that tree in no time. With your determination you could climb the tree in snow shoes!

This is me cheering you on from Ohio, and saying Congratulations!

June 8, 2012 at 6:48 AM  
Blogger Alison said...

Wow. I'm glad I've been around for the prologue.

My Mama always said, "Things will look better in the morning." Probably one of the most useful pieces of advice I've been given. Throw your heart over that fence, Jenna, 'cause we all know failure (big-time, utter failure) is not in your book.

June 8, 2012 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Victoria said...

Like others have said, change is always hard, especially big changes like this. Some of my best decisions were ones where my friends thought I was crazy for leaving that job/moving so far away.
On a purely selfish note, I'm excited that there may be more posts on your blog! :)
Good luck!!!

June 8, 2012 at 7:02 AM  
OpenID T. Crockett said...

There's a reason that slogan "one day at a time" has been around so long. That's often all we can handle.

I think it's great that you planned an event for today. It sounds like you were looking out for yourself, knowing it might be good to have some people around at this big moment. Keep doing what you're doing, it sounds like you're making solid choices.

June 8, 2012 at 7:20 AM  
Blogger The Kelly's Adventures in KY said...

You're going to be amazing! Can't wait to read the fruits of your morning writing labors.

June 8, 2012 at 7:24 AM  
Blogger J.D. said...

"All will be well. In all manner of things, all will be well." Julian of Norwich

June 8, 2012 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

I am So happy for you - all will be fine!

June 8, 2012 at 8:12 AM  
Anonymous Debra said...

You are not alone!!!! You have all of us cheering you on !!!! We can't wait to see whats next!!! We are all so proud of you!!!

June 8, 2012 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger Karen Rickers said...

How wonderful that you allow yourself to feel honestly, to percolate through what's actually going on in your mind and body. It takes bravery to do that. It's far too easy for people to mask their fears with a hearty "Woohooo!" and to drive the stress inward where it bubbles and oozes for days and weeks and years! I think you must have an innate talent for wellness, mental and physical, and it will serve you well. Brava to you, Jenna!

June 8, 2012 at 8:14 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

Wow. Yes. You know everything will be all right. Just look at what you've done already, and that was WITH a full-time job. It's amazing, lady. You not only use your claws - you land on your feet. Just remember who you are and what you've accomplished. I find that for me, that's all I need to remember sometimes.

June 8, 2012 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger Odie Langley said...

Congratulations Jenna, you are a survivor and all will be wonderful. Just let it happen.

June 8, 2012 at 8:16 AM  
Blogger Mindy Smith said...

This sounds a lot like when I quit my corporate job. You know you should be happy about the hard fought decision but you cry and cry when you leave anyway. I balled my eyes out from the elevator and through to the hour long car ride back to my farm. It wasn't until the next day when I could go to the gym, properly walk my dogs, write and actually make a home cooked meal that I started to feel this was the right decision. You'll get there quicker than you think.

June 8, 2012 at 8:28 AM  
Blogger seagoddess said...

Sounds like you did just the right thing! The scary part is that steady paycheck -that's all - you've proven you can make ends meet on your own -you will, Jenna! Listening to your heart will get you the success you desire. Best wishes!!

June 8, 2012 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Megan, Rudy's mom said...

I think it's super cool your doing this the honesty is what what keeps me reading our blog. I work and I'm a small business major. No way would I have the balls you have to do this without finishing a few college courses first. Even once I finish in a few years, it frightenes me. For me having the book smarts will ease the scaredness, I hope. But think of all the things that will be achieved when these work out.

Jenna, we are the generation that will change our world because a lot of us see and understand what's been done wrong to in our lifetime. Your small farm is/ will make a difference!

June 8, 2012 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

With a deep breath and a shining sun in the morning you can do anything. At least this is what I tell myself when the world feels about to eat me up. Today will be a wonderful day.

June 8, 2012 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Amy McPherson Sirk said...

Striking out on your own can be scary. I've been self employed most of my adult life and here's the thing to remember - when you have money, you'll have no time and when you have time, you'll have no money. Be sure to keep back something as just a hobby as there is the danger that working at what you love may eventually suck the love out of it. Best of luck, Jenna. Now go out there and knock 'em dead.

June 8, 2012 at 8:48 AM  
Blogger Noël McNeil said...

Change IS always hard, but it is good and necessary. Otherwise, life would be boring. My husband is self-employed and we've lived this way our whole marriage. No, you don't always have a steady paycheck. However, we LOVE the freedom and feel a sense of panic when we think about him having a 'real' job. You'll do great, just a tip, be wise with your money. Since it doesn't come in regularly, is needs to leave the fingers only when it has to. :) Ask me know I know. I am sooo happy for you and you'll do GREAT!!!

June 8, 2012 at 8:51 AM  
OpenID amovingtale said...

Deep breaths - you're going to be great. Your determination and ability to see dreams through is awesome.

I quit my own corporate job of 8 years to venture out on my own, and I've never once regretted the decision (other than not doing it sooner.)

As I'm sure you've heard from others -- you'll never work harder, longer, or with more conviction than you do for yourself. But, it's so rewarding to see your hard work absolutely make a difference in your success, and that's what I always found missing from my corporate job.

June 8, 2012 at 8:53 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

I remember my first sunrise the day after I quit my corporate job. I too shed tears the day I drove home. Emotions ran high. You never realize how much a job defines you as a human. The first question people ask you upon meeting is "What do you do for a living?" But after 11 years of doing something I really didn't enjoy, it was time to start living. It's been 8 months since that day, and when someone asks me what I do for a living, I say "so many of things". It's a wonderful feeling. Change is good.

June 8, 2012 at 8:58 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

I've cried leaving lots of jobs - some that I even hated. While I was more than read to move on, it was always bittersweet to leave the familiar, and the regular company of people I'd grown to really like. It's a huge change, and your response was totally natural, I think.

Also, congrats, way to go, and ATTA GIRL! I could not be happier for you!

June 8, 2012 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger English sheep gal said...

Congratulations Jenna - you've been working towards this for so long, enjoy your party - and not rushing through farm work to get to office work on Monday morning! On a personal note I'm hoping you have time for a blog post with sheep updates, have all the lambs moved to new homes, how about some 'post shearing' pics of your flock? Just from your description I'm sure I need one of those hammock chairs too, sounds wonderful! Hannah, Upstate NY

June 8, 2012 at 9:03 AM  
Blogger daisy said...

You are taking the first step into a great adventure. What your life story will be! How I admire the courage of one so young to go forward with intention and determination to make it work. I really do believe you can do anything you set your mind to, Jenna. Continued blessings...

June 8, 2012 at 9:04 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

If anyone can do it, it will be you. I know that all your readers appreciate your honesty. That's why we read! It's a huge step you're making, but a necessary one. Happiness should always be at the top of your list. Congrats and good luck!

June 8, 2012 at 9:16 AM  
Anonymous cowgirl said...

Beatiful post!

I have little to add but thought "Alison" wrapped it up nicely.

8-)

June 8, 2012 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

As Karen above said, you really have a healthy way of working through things, because you allow yourself, mind & body, to FEEL them. Sometimes the feelings are good and you revel in the smallest of joys, and sometimes they are fearful, sad or bring on major anxiety. But you FEEL them Jenna and that is wonderful. Thanks for sharing this very personal process with us! :)

June 8, 2012 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Sarah Mc said...

oh I'm staying tuned! who doesn't love a good beginning! Congratulations Jenna, I'm hopefully right behind you! Sarah

June 8, 2012 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Debi said...

I think what you're feeling is a very normal human reaction to change, especially change that goes against the norm. I felt very similar when I quit working to stay home with my kids. My oldest was six, and I had dreamed of staying home with him from day one, but the Universe had other plans. I thought for sure I'd be thrilled when the day came that I could be with them all the time, but when the day actually came I was terrified. Terrified of not having enough money, of not helping my husband financially, of the way society viewed me, people aren't always kind when you go against the status quo. Even my own father and brother gave me a hard time. It literally took years, and a failed attempt at returning to work for me to finally understand that I had made the right desision.

This is a huge step for you, just take it one day at a time, and it'll all fall into place for you.

June 8, 2012 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

I'm so excited and happy for you. Hope you're feeling some of the awesomeness this morning and less of the ohshitwhatdidIjustdo-ness. USE those claws, girl! :)

June 8, 2012 at 9:44 AM  
Anonymous Alicia (Nika) said...

Jenna, this is a big change. I ''broke up with Corporate America'' in March. Because of the lay-off uncertainty within my old career field, I said, ''I'm done.'' I'm an elder caregiver. Not only do I attend to his needs, but I also manage the house and organic gardens. Is it perfect? No. There are times when the laundry doesn't get done that day, or the weeds in the garden need to wait. But I am happy. I live on-site with my cat. I started a blog about my work with garden and wild plants as medicinals and edibles; plus, I am a second-year herbal student. Am I still scared? I have my moments. I just remember my maternal grandmother's words: ''Fear is a doorway. Once you step through it, you learn a lot about yourself and the world around you.''

June 8, 2012 at 9:45 AM  
OpenID jessieimproved said...

That was a crazy rush of adrenaline you felt. A rush like that always brings me to tears as well, especially when it's still pumping through your system and it has nowhere to go. Take time to collect, and then use that energy to make awesome things happen. ^_^

June 8, 2012 at 9:48 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Jenna,
I feel your pain with the anticipation portion. wiaiting has never been my forte. One Buddhist to another, if you ever need to talk about lettin gog an d letting be or your fears, I am happy to listen privately as well as publically on your blog. I can very much relate as I myself am unemployed right now and trying to make writing work as a career.
Best of luck to you in your new ventures. You will be in my thoughts.

June 8, 2012 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Glyndalyn said...

Congratulations, Jenna. You can do it. You will not be crying very long. You have too much work.

We have MANY beautiful Jaune et Vertus scalloped squash from Annie's Heirloom Seeds.

Yes, GO JENNA GO.

June 8, 2012 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger Rusty in Miami said...

Your honesty is so refreshing, I been where you are today. There will be up days and down days but I can tell you that there is no greater feeling than been your own boss not answering to anyone else. Best of luck to you, and I'm looking forward reading about the rest of your life

June 8, 2012 at 9:56 AM  
Blogger TwoBlueHeelers said...

I was downsized out of my last office job in 2006, and have to say, I cried with relief to get out of there. "Toxic stew" does not begin to describe that place. Now, Chris and I work hard together, and we think hard before spending money, but by golly -- I can paint at my easel all darn day and night to get the dog's eyes right, if that's how long it takes! Wishing you joy and new energy in this first day of your new life!

June 8, 2012 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger SusieQT said...

Jenna, I've been a longtime reader but never commented till now. You can do it! And you can do it all by yourself! Sometimes that person you wish you could come home to is negative and doubting; you don't have that either. Have faith in yourself and your heart and know that you've made the right decision.

June 8, 2012 at 10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't really know you, Jenna, but I love you for this.

June 8, 2012 at 10:10 AM  
Blogger kimberlesk said...

Congratulations Jenna! I think it's awesome that you finally jumped the corporate ship! It's only natural to have some apprehension, but you're going to be great. I just read 'Barnheart' on my vacation last week and loved it! I'll be starting 'Made From Scratch' this weekend. And thanks to your blog, I've expanded my vegetable garden this year and am very excited to see how it goes!
Cheers to you!

June 8, 2012 at 10:14 AM  
OpenID domesteading said...

I think it's important to mourn the end of era. Even if you know that the change is going to be the best thing ever, and that what you are leaving behind is something you have wanted out of for a long long time, it's still part of what makes you who you are. It's good to honor that. You should be proud that you supported yourself as a designer and worked among good people. And you should also be proud to move on to your new, handmade life! So many congratulations to you Jenna. Thanks for allowing your readers to share this with you.

June 8, 2012 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger greendria said...

Anxiety feels so awful

And I ditto what others have said: "change" is so "hard"

June 8, 2012 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger redhorse said...

There's nothing wrong with that feeling of terror when you make such a big step. I'd be more worried if you didn't feel it. If you've made your plans well, you'll be laughing at this post a year from now. You'll also realize that you wouldn't have survived into old age if you kept going the way you were. Have a good celebration tonight.

June 8, 2012 at 10:33 AM  
Blogger Knit Picky Knitter said...

Don't beat yourself up, Jenna. You've made a big leap and you just need a few days until you know you've landed firmly on the ground (which I don't doubt that you have!) You have taken good steps to prepare for this change and you are very self disciplined and driven so I'm not worried about you! I am very excited about reading the next volume of your blog. Carpe Diem!!!!!!!!

June 8, 2012 at 10:46 AM  
Blogger Kimberlie Ott said...

Alright Jenna!
This post reminded me of getting pregnant for the first time. Thrilled, terrified, but mostly knowing life would never be the same again! That was 25 yrs ago and it was ALL WORTH IT! :) You followed your heart, trust it! <3 great blog, love your honesty, it really connected with me! Have a beautiful party tonight!

June 8, 2012 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger bree said...

Hi Jenna, This is a test to see if my google account is working.

June 8, 2012 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger bree said...

Okay, looks like my google account is enabled now.

Jenna, I loved this post. Sharing your real and raw feelings is important. I know you are going to make it without the job. I feel it. I cannot wait to read about all that you will be doing. Way to go!! So many other like me are pulling for you Jenna.

June 8, 2012 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger CheshyrCat said...

I'm always terribly happy when you write things that could be interpreted as negative, but are just honest. Life isn't all happy-go-lucky, and I feel that whenever it's getting me down and I'm thinking about giving up the struggle for what I want, I can read or remember something I've read that you wrote about failing and keeping on, or trying something new and keeping on, or just feeling damn bad and keeping on.

I also think Cold Antler will be a success for just those reasons. You're great at just keeping on.

June 8, 2012 at 11:10 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I don't do very well with change either. I feel its effects so deeply and physically that I'm often concerned about how I'm going to make it through some actual serious change (like marriage or having a child).

But it sure doesn't take long to get into a new rhythm. There's hope in that.

I was just remarking to my boyfriend yesterday that I can't believe all the leaves are out and I'm already used to it. Six weeks ago the deciduous trees were naked and I daydreamed of leaves. Now they're here and I can't imagine a time without them.

I hope your freedom's like the leaves. (Yay, simile!)

June 8, 2012 at 12:11 PM  
Blogger gooddoug said...

I've found that every time I go through a big change: graduations, marriage, watching our children be born, touchstone birthdays, I feel a sense of "OK, now what? I don't feel any different, aren't I supposed to feel different now?"
That "aha" moment comes much later. My advice as an old fart is to be mindful of what you are feeling now, own those feelings and don't worry that you are feeling the wrong thing. It all makes sense later ;)

June 8, 2012 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger Mist said...

I, for one, am always appreciative of your honesty. And I certainly relate to the explosive response to change you're having. It'll come. It'll all come.

I hope that when you close your eyes at night, you can feel the support of all of us here buoying you up.

June 8, 2012 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Marlies said...

It is only when we do not allow ourselves to change we become stagnant. You will be stronger and more in control over your life because of your decision to get out of the rat race since only the rats when that one. I left the fast track 12 years ago when I left Baltimore, MD for the hills of WV.

June 8, 2012 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Jenna, this post just confirmes that you are doing the right thing. If you were just jumping for joy and congratulating yourself I would be worried. As much as my family has helped me through my big decisions you'd be surprized at how much my reactions are exactly as yours even with a husband saying it'll be ok. I think this kind of emotional release is intensely personal and words can't necessarily penetrate the cyclone. We embrace it all, joy, fear, anxiety, and expectation. Have a wonderful time tonight with your girlfriends. The best thing about being in transition is being with those people who support you and love you. Kisses from Gibson, drinks with friends, fireflies at dusk...take them in and let them warm your heart.

PS picked up my Dragonflies in Amber and am completely sucked in again.

June 8, 2012 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger Barb Davis-Pyles said...

Jenna, there are just too many synchronicities here, so I had to comment. On my own blog post today I happen to be riffing about Thoreau’s quote – “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” Well, here’s the kicker – the reason I started blogging in the first place was because I was so inspired by YOUR awesome blog!

Here’s the link, if you’re interested:
http://themindselbow.blogspot.com/2012/06/thoreau-osaurus.html

Oh, and another bit of weirdness -- you mentioned the Cambridge Hotel in this post. Well, it happens to be owned by a woman who happened to be my babysitter when I was a wee child in Pennsylvania – like, 40 years ago.

Well, all this jabbering on is really just to say – YOU CAN DO THIS!

June 8, 2012 at 2:52 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

I have never met change with ease. Rather, a numb shock and a bit of a tremor. But, as you become more comfortable and settle into your days, peace will come. It may take a while before you relax about your finances. We are self employed and after 6 months of it I have come to an understanding that there will always be the "Oh crap! How are we going to pay THAT??" moments, but that somehow it always (so far) works out.
Cheers, Jenna!!

June 8, 2012 at 3:20 PM  
Blogger spike said...

I am sooooo excited for you. That desk job is gonna haunt you. After all, society says that is where we belong. It is going to feel like you are trying to shake a habit. Jitters, night sweats, panic, etc. There are still days when I think I'm supposed to be at a desk in a office. But, then I shake my head, laugh and say 'Nahhhh!'

As they say in rehab groups...
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

Here's to new habits :)

June 8, 2012 at 3:29 PM  
Blogger Frenchie said...

Translated from French:"You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs." Have a wonderful omelet Jenna :-).

June 8, 2012 at 4:51 PM  
Blogger Melanie J. said...

I'm so dang happy for you I could squeak! I tried to donate to your site today, but Paypal was being ornery, so you may get a card after all. Stuff still making it to you if we address it to Cold Antler in Jackson? I wish you every success in this next step; sending virtual hugs!!

June 8, 2012 at 4:54 PM  
Blogger Shelley said...

Thank you for giving me so much hope and inspiration. I cannot put it into words....
You rock, Jenna!
Hugs, Shelley

June 8, 2012 at 6:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jenna,

I've followed your blog for a relatively short time, but must say you are one gutsy gal!

I am 60 yrs. old and today was the last day of my job as an Asst. Director of a school, a very, very demanding job.

I'm scared too. I do have an extremely supportive husband, 2 1/2
acres, a and garden. He is also into preparedness.

Your blog is wonderful and you are one smart, capable woman. I know you can do this, and can do it well.

Heartfelt admiration for you! You should be very proud of yourself and where your soul searching has brought you.

Kathie

June 8, 2012 at 6:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jenna,

By the way, I'm buying all your books this weekend. I'm very interested in them, but also want you to know that you have lots of support from lots of admirers.

Kathie in Kentucky

June 8, 2012 at 6:35 PM  
Blogger seagrrlz said...

So today I got Barnheart. I already had Chick Days and Made from Scratch. No one had it locally. When you posted that you were leaving the corporate job behind, I ordered it. Sorta a supportive order for you and an inspirational one for me.

Congrats on the move!

June 8, 2012 at 7:07 PM  
Blogger CampbellHouse said...

Congratulations! I am so excited for you and your new adventures ahead! You will be awesome!

June 8, 2012 at 7:08 PM  
Blogger Mare said...

You Go Jenna...Love, mare

June 8, 2012 at 8:17 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I would have been worried if you had reacted any other way. :)

June 8, 2012 at 8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There will continue to be days when you wonder, "what have I done?" But in the end you will be happy. I became a stay at home mom three years ago. And trust me, I am not the stay at home type. But everyday, even on the worst of days, I am grateful! And you will be too! Looking forward to your journey.

June 8, 2012 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Linden said...

You are very brave and have many fans cheering you on! I wish (for about 10 minutes) that I lived near there, instead of in Alaska, so I could attend one of your classes. Will just have to enjoy it vicariously.

June 8, 2012 at 10:13 PM  
Anonymous Linda said...

That was an amazing post... so honest and open. I will continue to watch and read. I am interested in how it goes.

June 8, 2012 at 11:31 PM  
Anonymous Dianne @ My Southern Heart said...

I'd say you're meeting your future head-on with courage and honesty. The days to come are all uncertain and unknown for each one of us. It's just that now your future is in your hands and in your control.

Live it one day at a time but keep a calendar to watch fill up with events, appearances, book signings, etc. No doubt, you already have a notebook where you jot down any idea that comes to you for future development. Finish the "scary" book you started in installments and turn it into a work of fiction (I'll buy a copy)! Don't be scared. You knew you could do this when you started the ball rolling! ;-)

June 9, 2012 at 12:50 AM  
Anonymous Sara Hartman said...

Jenna - thanks so much for your honesty and for sharing the entire range of emotions that comes with making a big life change. I know I will feel much the same in a few years when I hope to retire - and coming home to a house with one's animals but no life partner makes it more poignant. Just remember - as I do - that one's friends are all there, waiting to be invited in to share, celebrate, commiserate, and support you - your first steps are in a wonderful direction and your on-line fans are cheering you from the side-lines. All best wishes!

June 9, 2012 at 6:33 PM  
Blogger Sharon said...

Jenna, thank you for this post. Everyone has different reactions to major life changes. You are very brave for sharing your experience.

June 9, 2012 at 7:31 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

Thank you, Jenna, for sharing so honestly. Over time, after having made several major moves/changes in my life, I have discovered that it takes me up to 3 years before I feel like I am really settled in to my new area or circumstances. I'm in year two of the most recent upheaval and things are getting better. Be gentle with and kind to yourself - you can do it and you will succeed. You are a tremendous inspiration. I ordered my first ever chickens last week and, because of Chick Days, I feel like I can do this. Sheep come in August. Life is too short ~ live it while you can. I am really looking forward to your continued story.

June 11, 2012 at 1:44 PM  

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