Thursday, May 3, 2012

a boy and girl

I could not fall asleep. I was exhausted, sad, and confused. I just lay there, trying to count breaths and considering Nyquil when I heard the cries of a lamb outside the window. One or two bleats isn't uncommon, that is how young sheep on the prowl holler to find their mothers when they had walked out of sight. But this sustained, bleated, cry was about something else. Something to worry about. My first thought was he had scurried under the electric fence and could not get back in. I pictured him racing outside the gates, trapped from what he wanted so badly.

I sighed and got dressed. I walked outside in the dark and could hear the young ram lamb (it was Flash) even louder. He was up in the sheep shed but his mother was nowhere to be found? I baaed to the crew, the way I do when they get grain, and 13 adult sheep and two lambs came towards me. In no time flat Flash was reunited with Mom (who was eating hay out of sight of the young ram and I). But wait? Where was number 16? I counted and recounted. Then I decided to walk up the muddy hill to where the cries of the young ram had originally come from.

Inside the sheep shed was a ewe and her twins. One ewe lamb and one ram lamb. A beautiful pair, just a few moments old. In the fading lantern light I touched their warm, new, wool. Mama had cleaned them and they were already standing, looking for milk. As my nearly-dead batteries started to flicker out, removing all light from the muddy shed—I was alone with them in the dark. I reached out, feeling their wool, heard the chortles of their mother and the cries of the new babes.

A boy and girl. How about that? Shown to me by the cries of a young ram on a night where I was so wrapped up in my own story I had forgotten how small it is to the real story out there, high on a hill. What can human drama compare to the awe of birth, or the miracle of twins on a cool night? This farm literally forced me out of bed to meet reality, shook me into my self. I sat in the mud, held the young lambs, and I sang to them as I cried in that dark.

My darling, if I make the Pearly Gates
I'll do my best to make a drawing
Of God and Lucifer
A boy and girl
And angel kissing on a sinner
a monkey and a man
a marching band
All around a frightened trapeze swinger.


Blogger CallieK said...


May 3, 2012 at 10:24 PM  
Blogger beanyween said...

Congrats! I am waiting on a goat to give birth......maybe tonight! Grey skies are gonna clear up!

May 3, 2012 at 10:32 PM  
Blogger beanyween said...

congrats! I am waiting for my goat to kid - maybe tonight! know, you were my inspiration to have a farm, after reading an article about the huskies and finding your blog. The perfect place appeared for animal rescue, and we purchased it in October - now we have 11 alpacas, 4 goats, a sheep, 2 donkeys, 3 pot bellied pigs, a bunch of chickens and 3 mini horses. thank you from Sweet Olive Farm! Remember - Grey Skies are gonna clear up........

May 3, 2012 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Congratulations on your new twins, a boy & a girl :) I think it's really something that little Flash was the "baby alarm". What a sweet thing to break the reverie of a sad night~ I hope whatever it is that makes you sad pales in comparison to what makes you happy, and this, this is a very happy thing~


May 3, 2012 at 10:40 PM  
Anonymous Laura M said...

How beautiful. You are so blessed to be witness to this magic that is utterly timeless. Thank you for sharing your gentle and imperfect spirit!
Laura M.

May 3, 2012 at 11:02 PM  
Anonymous Laura M said...

How beautiful! You are so blessed to be witness to this timeless magic. Thank you for sharing your gentle and fierce spirit.

May 3, 2012 at 11:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


May 3, 2012 at 11:20 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

beautiful :)

May 3, 2012 at 11:25 PM  
Anonymous Sara Hartman said...

Jenna - what a moving scene you described so well - I could feel the sense of mystery and awe you captured. What a special gift awaited you in that night barn. Thank you for sharing it with us.

May 3, 2012 at 11:25 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

beautiful :)

May 3, 2012 at 11:25 PM  
Blogger Kelsie said...

Hallelujah. Amen.

May 3, 2012 at 11:51 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

What a beautiful story... I'm blessed for being able to read it to myself before I go to sleep.

(Also, boy/girl twin set? Hopefully they're not Lannisters...)

May 4, 2012 at 12:04 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

What a moment, thank you for sharing!

May 4, 2012 at 12:37 AM  
Anonymous Mehileman said...

Whatever the source of the sad restless feelings, take heart in the hope, joy and good energy that you give to so many across the world is coming full circle back to you. In that moment that the light flickered and found you with two wee newborn lambs in a darkened shed another light shone - the light of love for all you are and do. Be at peace.

May 4, 2012 at 1:46 AM  
Anonymous Mehileman said...

Be at peace Jenna

May 4, 2012 at 1:48 AM  
Blogger Greentwinsmummy said...

hugs to you Jenna and congratulations too!! I have one more to lamb here and that will hopefully be twins, meaning all ewes had twins!
I am with you on the confused feelings and worries, I tell myself it will all work out. Just need to chin up and plod on!
GTM x x x
ps can you let me know when you mailed the cow print? its not turned up, I imagine it takes a while to get across the pond but I would hate for you to think I hadnt commented about it, but its because its not here yet x x x x

May 4, 2012 at 3:09 AM  
Blogger Rane said...

The world is small,
and we simple.
Of God and Mother nature,
we are young students,
and when we finally learn
all we can, we are reclaimed.
I hope what ever has given you
heavy heart tonight, has
been lightened and that this
gentle mother in your barn
in the dark moments
loved and mothered more than just
her young. Her chortles were
not alone for her sweet young.
Animals know when we are stressed
deep in thought sad or ill.
Sweet dreams dear.

May 4, 2012 at 3:42 AM  
Blogger Rane said...

You are in my thoughts still, while I rock my teething babe. I would like to suggest some names for your new lambs, Berchta and Ing.
If you read the meanings you will
know why I suggest them, even if these sweet ones are promised to help your farm. I believe they were
sent tonight at the time they were
sent as a runic reason. All things happen for one reason or other.
So give it thought and give thought to the meanings that these two runes have.
Berkano: (B: Berchta, the birch-goddess.) Birth, general fertility, both mental and physical and personal growth, liberation. Regenerative power and light of spring, renewal, promise of new beginnings, new growth. Arousal of desire. A love affair or new birth. The prospering of an enterprise or venture.

Ingwaz: (NG: Ing, the earth god.) Male fertility, gestation, internal growth. Common virtues, common sense, simple strengths, family love, caring, human warmth, the home. Rest stage, a time of relief, of no anxiety. A time when all loose strings are tied and you are free to move in a new direction. Listen to yourself.

I hope that sleep comes to you.

May 4, 2012 at 4:23 AM  
Blogger daisy said...

What an amazing way to start your weekend. There is no greater gift...

May 4, 2012 at 5:51 AM  
Blogger RamblinHome said...

That is so wonderful! Congratulations!

May 4, 2012 at 6:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two more new ones! Are there anymore to come?

May 4, 2012 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Tora Consolo said...

Blessings Jenna.

May 4, 2012 at 7:11 AM  
Blogger Karen Rickers said...

Nice, Jenna! Thanks for sharing.

May 4, 2012 at 7:36 AM  
Anonymous Ann Sims said...

Touched and humbled by your experience. Thank you so much for sharing this experience, all of it, with us.

May 4, 2012 at 9:12 AM  
Blogger greendria said...

Beautiful writing, again. I hope you are okay, in your sadness and confusion

May 4, 2012 at 9:18 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Beautiful story

May 4, 2012 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger Pit Stop Farm said...

Isn't it amazing how certain happenings on a "farm" can put our "real world" issues into such a different perspective?

Congrats by the way!

May 4, 2012 at 10:46 AM  
Anonymous cowgirl said...


Are goat twins like cow twins in that if there are a male and a female the female is a freemartin?...just curious.

I've had 5 sets of twins (bovine) this year and two are freemartins!

May 4, 2012 at 11:23 AM  
Blogger sco_oter said...

Congrats on your babies. I hope they mended your sadness. Sending prayers your way for peace.

May 4, 2012 at 3:04 PM  
Blogger Moose Hollow Farm said...

You have been doubly blessed. Please don't feel sad ~ whatever is wrong can be right again. If you need some help, we are here for you. You will never be alone. God Bless, Jenna.
PS ~ I hope that you are feeling better this evening.

May 4, 2012 at 4:42 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

Cowgirl, as far as my experience goes, goat twins are not like cow twins. We have doe and buck twins all the time and the does do get pregnant and have kids.

Rane, those names are amazing and they do fit the situation. I will be curious as to what Jenna will name these 2 lambs.

Jenna, I too am happy that Flash alerted you and you got up and found the healthy new born lambs. I hope that you are ok and that this has brightened your day. You are such an inspiration to so many people. I hate to think you are sad and upset about anything. But I get that way sometimes too.

And go get 'em, girl! I wish you luck in the competition next week!!

May 4, 2012 at 6:12 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Go Ram Ewe!!

May 4, 2012 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger seagrrlz said...

Congrats on the twins! Flash sounds like a great lamb, He's on the ball.

May 4, 2012 at 9:22 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

Have to be grateful for the good things that make us look out of ourselves and our own personal dramas. This is turning out to be quite the lambing season!

May 4, 2012 at 11:25 PM  
Blogger Ann said...

Congratulations, Jenna. Your little(?) farm just keeps on giving.

May 6, 2012 at 9:23 PM  
Anonymous Primal/paleo said...

This just made me cry.

May 24, 2012 at 4:24 PM  

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