Monday, February 20, 2012

do you believe in magic?

My first sight of Merlin was out in the sun, laying in the pasture like a large cat would. Feet splayed, resting up on his elbows so his head was up. He was out with a few other Fells enjoying the warm winter sun. When Lisa (his owner) whistled and called him in there was a burst of powerful activity. He erupted up, all black muscles, girth, and hair— came bounding towards us in a way that made the earth shake. At nearly 1,000 pounds, Merlin was no meek creature. He was a pony, sure, but this was no Shetland. As he galloped towards us I realized he was larger than the pictures showed, not taller, but larger! He was stocky and strong and (I mean this in the best way possible) kind of like a rhino with a wig. If Jasper was a Labrador Merlin was a brawny Newfoundland. He slowed to a trot and joined some of his friends about ten yards away from us. I was so excited. I just walked right up to him.

I came over to him and reached for his forehead, and he didn't mind. We regarded each other in that way species that live close and depend on each other do and always have. Dogs, cats, people, livestock, all of us know down in our bones we make sense together, its the finding the right match ups that's the trick. So he eyed me and I eyed him. Both of us suspicious but game. I grabbed a hold of his halter and asked him to walk with me over to my friends and his owner. He did, calm as St. Peter at the Gates. I felt calm too. This horse was not going to run away on me. I guess when you are that massive you don't need to make a fuss.

Patty of Livingston Farm was there and so were Melina and Robert. They were on their way home from a night in Cambridge and were willing to come along and meet the horse, too. It was their last stop before heading home to their own Farm, their car loaded with beer, brats, and two young rabbits from CAF. I gave them two of the young bucks Meg had given me to eat. I thought they would do better helping other rabbit raisers get started (either as recipes or breeding bucks) than added to my freezer, already happy with hares. (I hope that is okay Meg?. Anyway, when your car is full of homebrew, case meats, and livestock the idea of checking out a rare draft pony isn't that crazy.

Melina snapped some pictures of Merlin and I while I overheard patty asking the 34,000 questions I should have had the wherewithal to ask, but I was not really present. I was a couple inches away from an animal I had only seen in photos and had only dared to day dream of. Now his giant nostrils and black nose were in my hair, his deep eyes considering me, and his dusty coat and beautiful mane under my lanolin coated fingers. This was the shepherd's pony. I was a shepherd. I walked around the farm's pasture with him, talking and taking videos. He seemed curious but not concerned, almost bored following this crazy lady around his backyard. All I felt in my gut was comfort

We got him saddled up in western tack and after Lisa demonstrated his walk, trot, canter and some basic dressage moves I was impressed and excited to jump up into the saddle too. I was helped up onto his back and amazed at how wide it was for a pony, and how right it felt. I didn't feel a bit of fear, just confidence. I asked him to walk and trot and realized I was as out of practice as he was. Both of us were winded, hot air coming from our noses. I jumped down and kissed his soft nose. I was falling, and falling hard.

Then both Robert and Melina were invited to ride him, neither of them having any experience with horses. They were to sit while being lead by Lisa, and I wanted to see how he reacted to a stranger without any use of leg, reins, or purpose would suit him. It was like a fair ride. Robert seemed very happy on a horse. I bet he's next...

We left shortly after, I was allowed to lead him back to the barn. I told her how excited I was and that I would contact her soon with my decision about him. Patty asked some more questions and I stumbled drunk around cloud nine.

All last night I wondered what I could do at this point to make a rare, highly trained, beautiful pony mine. I knew what I could and couldn't afford, but I also knew I had a lot to offer him. I would be able to board him a few months while I took lessons with him, each of us getting to know one another under the care of professionals, vets, farriers and riding lessons. I would have a pony wonderland built soon as the days got a little longer. Brett, Patty, and Mark were willing to help fell (ha) trees and plan out the new two-horse shed behind the barn. I had a plan, I had it all figured out. I just needed to convince the owner I was worth it, and worthy of her fine animal. I fell asleep going back to the barn I always go to.

The next morning I had a plan. I started the morning taking the usual farm chores in stride, but I did them extra well. I scrubbed out the sheep's water trough. I wiped off the crud on the defroster. I cleaned out the rabbit cages, gave extra feed in their little crocks and scritches on their heads. I gave Jasper a good curry combing and made sure he was properly outfitted for a day of piss and vinegar, a carrot in my pocket. I took my dogs out for a long walk and while they smelled the doggy news I thought about this horse, the ramifications, the possibilities. I felt the extra close attention to my chores was a prayer in itself, a ritual of rededication to my animals and this farm. I listened to my heart. How it felt to hold those reins, sit on his comfortable back, and how safe it felt up there. I am an anxious woman. To feel like a 1,000 pound animal was a Lazy Boy is not common for me. I prayed. I paced. I asked for guidance and for the best possible outcome.

Then I came inside and took a long shower, prayed some more, and opened up my email. I took a deep breath and then sent Lisa a long, heartfelt letter. I told her how I felt about the Fell, how much Merlin meant to me. I told her my honest financial limitations, my plans, and ran through some options to make that beautiful boy mine. I asked her to consider these things with an open heart. I told her I looked forward to her reply. Then I turned off the computers to let the magic happen. I jumped into the truck and headed over to Livingston Brook Farm. I had done everything I could do. I didn't want to stay at home constantly checking emails, worried about what would happen. I was thrilled when I was invited for an afternoon drive, and thought no matter what the outcome I would have the next few miles logged behind a working horse to dream and hope before any bad news landed on me. I would truly savor this afternoon.


Patty had invited me to go on one of her favorite drives. Her neighbors are good friends and have over 400 acres of farmland. It is a beautiful, hilly landscape that tumbles and rolls with old farm roads used to get from field to field. It was the perfect place to drive a horse cart. No cars or trucks to fuss with, just the smell of dead corn, fallow ground, deer scat and wood smoke. The hillside trail lead to what Patty called "The Top of the World", a high field that looked over all of our area's mountains and peaks. When we reached it we turned Steel around and from the metal tractor seat of a forecart I could see Colfax Mountain, Equinox in Vermont, Bunker Hill Farm, other peaks and the Adirondacks in the distance. It was breathtaking. And silently, as I listened to Patty share stories of the same hillside covered in mustard and butterflies, or a buck leaping out of the hedge in front of Steel, I prayed again. (You can never pray too much.) I asked, over and over, if Merlin and I were meant to be that a path would reveal itself. Some sort of option? Some sort of magic?

When we got back to her farm we took off the harness and fed her two horses for the night, then retired to her farmhouse for black bean soup (with workshop cheddar brats!) and good homemade bread. We talked about a lot of things, and I realized in just two weeks I had made some fairly serious friends. How lucky was I to find a pair of folks just as crazy about farming, working horses, working dogs, as I was? And the hilarious part? Us two women, practically Luddites in our past times, found each other because of an online publication of Barnheart at Mother Earth News. A woman with a draft horse 7 miles away and she found CAF through the net. It's magic all in itself, this friendship.

I left for home, heart in my throat. I knew soon as I got inside the door an email would be waiting. Lisa would have had plenty of time to make a decision. I fired up Ye Olde eMac and saw her reply, bold and black the way all unread messages are. Hope in bold san serif. I clicked it with my eyes closed. This is the first sentence I read as I slowly opened my eyes.

"Hi Jenna,

I loved your email, it is truly heartfelt and I can say I know just how you feel. Letting go of Merlin is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. He's been my dream pony too. I will definitely work with you to make sure he becomes yours. I can't imagine a better home for him..."


15 years ago, somewhere in North England on the wild hills Merlin trotted and breathed in that fine British air. 25 years ago I was a toddler in a small town in Pennsylvania with a sidewalk, streetlights, and the only farm I knew came from Fisher Price. Starting the first week of March we will ride together. I already have a stall waiting for him at Riding Right Farm and we start lessons together in a little over a week. Lisa said we'll work out a way to make it happen. He is mine!

I believe in magic.

photo by Pat Wesner

83 Comments:

Blogger John Taylor said...

Wow! Congratulations!

Grace and peace,

John

February 20, 2012 at 1:03 PM  
Blogger Jackie said...

Hope this means good things for you and Merlin!!!

February 20, 2012 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Not out of the woods yet! I am just thinking about him, I did send some ideas to the owner and hoping my prayers were heard!

I'll let you know when I know!

February 20, 2012 at 1:10 PM  
Blogger Tina - Our Rustic Roots said...

Good luck!

February 20, 2012 at 1:12 PM  
Blogger J.D. said...

I believe in magic and I believe in Merlin.

February 20, 2012 at 1:20 PM  
OpenID meatbagz said...

here's to magic, wonderful beasts, and crossed fingers for the best possible outcome!!

-kate

February 20, 2012 at 1:39 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Yes, no doubt about it!

February 20, 2012 at 1:48 PM  
Blogger Bovey Belle said...

I am living in Merlin-country here in my corner of Wales. We pass Merlin's Hill and Merlin's Stone every time we go into Carmarthen - he was born in a cave on Merlin's Hill. I shall ask him to wave some magic in your direction.

February 20, 2012 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger Catharine said...

As a matter of fact, I do believe in magic! Sending some magic your way!

February 20, 2012 at 2:43 PM  
Blogger Matt_Middleton said...

Sure do :) Hoping a bit comes your way really soon!

February 20, 2012 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

My fingers are crossed for you, Jenna! Hope Merlin finds a new home at CAF :)

February 20, 2012 at 3:01 PM  
Blogger DarcC said...

Magical Mystical Merlin!

February 20, 2012 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger redhorse said...

It sounds like someone's in love.

February 20, 2012 at 3:20 PM  
Blogger redhorse said...

It sounds like someone's in love.

February 20, 2012 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger Flartus said...

I don't remember the last time I knew someone so smitten. I heartily hope you'll hear good news, or you may need most of that brew to drown your disappointment. :)

February 20, 2012 at 3:59 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

haha!! keep that fire alive!! If it's meant to be it will be!

February 20, 2012 at 4:41 PM  
Blogger Firecracker Farm said...

Holden: Whose horse is that?
Me: Jenna might be getting him. His name is Merlin.
Holden: Of course.

February 20, 2012 at 5:37 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

I totally believe in magic! Good luck coming your way! :)

February 20, 2012 at 5:58 PM  
Blogger ~Christy said...

Absolutely! Glad you do, too :)

February 20, 2012 at 6:10 PM  
Blogger Sonya --Dime Store Thrift said...

Yes Jenna, YOU make me believe sweetheart! Congrats:)

February 20, 2012 at 8:21 PM  
Blogger The Sprouting Acorn said...

Here's hoping the stars align in your favor. :)

February 20, 2012 at 9:53 PM  
Blogger Melina said...

I will keep praying. He would be good with you. I can tell you would be a damn good owner for him. I'm glad I got to see it in person. I do believe in magic. The bunnies are very content. I call them BK bunnies in Meg's honor. Made sausage last night. Researching new recipes.

February 20, 2012 at 9:56 PM  
Blogger Melina said...

PS Patty is incredible. I'm so glad you met those new friends. I learned so much. Thanks again.

February 20, 2012 at 9:58 PM  
Blogger CJ said...

Congratulations, Merlin will have a wonderful home!

February 20, 2012 at 10:14 PM  
Blogger Calico said...

Trying not to cry. So very happy for you and Merlin.

February 20, 2012 at 10:19 PM  
Blogger delpasored said...

Of course Merlin is yours. You called him up by dreaming of him for years. That's the essence of magic. May you have many happy adventures together.

February 20, 2012 at 10:47 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

Wow, now you can exhale!

February 20, 2012 at 11:14 PM  
Blogger Goat Song said...

*Squeeeeeee!!!!* :D :D :D :D Jenna this is AWESOME!!!! I am dancing around in excitement for you!!! What a beautiful story, topped off with a grand climax! Whoohoo!!

February 20, 2012 at 11:18 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

You believe in magic but you also make magic happen. I am sure that you and Merlin are magic. All the best to you both!

February 20, 2012 at 11:19 PM  
Blogger Katie Swanberg said...

Goosebumps and best wishes. Your energy is electric, Jenna! Sending good vibes from here in California. I believe in magic too.

February 20, 2012 at 11:20 PM  
Blogger Lara said...

Wow, now you can exhale! Merlin is one lucky guy for sure.

February 20, 2012 at 11:23 PM  
Blogger Christee said...

That is amazing Jenna!!! I am SO excited for your new magical pony!!! YAY!

February 20, 2012 at 11:27 PM  
Blogger pawsfurme said...

I absolutely believe in prayer and magic and am sending prayers your way!

February 20, 2012 at 11:38 PM  
Blogger goatgirl said...

It was meant to be:) Thank goodness you followed your heart.

February 21, 2012 at 12:05 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

What great news!

February 21, 2012 at 12:24 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

What great news!

February 21, 2012 at 12:25 AM  
Blogger Sue Steeves said...

****HAPPY DANCE TIME****

You two are going to be dynamite together!!!!!!

February 21, 2012 at 12:43 AM  
Blogger MB said...

I cry for happiness for you!

February 21, 2012 at 12:53 AM  
OpenID mountainchicken said...

Woohooo!!!! With two ponies and a grad student stipend, I'm also cash poor and horse rich. I tell you its worth it!

February 21, 2012 at 12:57 AM  
Blogger windhaven farm said...

That's fantastic!!!! What a lovely bit of news!!!

February 21, 2012 at 3:04 AM  
Blogger Moose Hollow Farm said...

So happy for you, Jenna!!You and Merlin were meant for each other. Savor this magic that happened to you both ~ you were destined to be Shepherd and Dream Pony. Best Wishes.....

February 21, 2012 at 6:04 AM  
OpenID peihome said...

Most awesome. Hey, if you don't ask, eh? You've done your due diligence; let the chips fall ...

February 21, 2012 at 6:06 AM  
Blogger PurrfectPetSitting said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Everything happens for a reason, just as it is supposed to and Merlin is supposed to be yours. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

February 21, 2012 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger Rose said...

Jenna, your post about making it happen brought tears to my eyes as I read the response to your email, and I wish you an Merlin well -- lots of great rides! Rose

February 21, 2012 at 7:01 AM  
Blogger phaedra96 said...

If it is meant to be; it will be. I also think working and playing with him under supervision is the best thing you can do. You need to learn how to handle him; he needs to learn your language. Congratulations....I hope!

February 21, 2012 at 7:03 AM  
Blogger Bovey Belle said...

Fingers crossed that he passes the vet for you, as a few people have doubts on his soundness/way of going (though hard to tell from such a short film). "Hidden" problems like navicular can spell the end of a horse's working life, quite apart from the ongoing pain caused to the horse. One question I would always ask would be why are they selling?

You must be delighted that you will be his next owner and I can just see you "cwtched up" (Welsh for snuggled) with him when he comes home to you at CAF.

February 21, 2012 at 7:08 AM  
Blogger seagoddess said...

Manifesting your dreams...keep going, girl. Inspiring.

February 21, 2012 at 7:17 AM  
Blogger Janet said...

I've cried 2 tims this AM. Once when I heard 1812 Overture and once when I read your post. Congratulations.

February 21, 2012 at 7:27 AM  
OpenID nytesong said...

I'm so happy for you!

February 21, 2012 at 7:35 AM  
Blogger The Kelly's Adventures in KY said...

Way to go Jenna! He is a doll, and you will make a great team together!

February 21, 2012 at 7:51 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

Congrats, Jenna!

February 21, 2012 at 8:04 AM  
Blogger Catcoco said...

I am so happy for you and Merlin and CAF. And I must admit, you have such a way with words, I was crying even before I got to the part where you announced that he is going to be yours...

February 21, 2012 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger 072845 said...

How exciting Jenna. You inspire me everyday!

February 21, 2012 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger 072845 said...

How exciting Jenna. You inspire me everyday!

February 21, 2012 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger 072845 said...

How exciting Jenna. You inspire me everyday!

February 21, 2012 at 8:31 AM  
Blogger Laurie said...

That's so awesome, Jenna! Looking forward to hearing about your adventures with Merlin.

February 21, 2012 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger crashdown said...

Congratulations!

February 21, 2012 at 8:56 AM  
Blogger singinggardengirl said...

YAY!

February 21, 2012 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger neddamk said...

Not only a beautiful new chapter in your life, but also beautifully crafted & written... the perfect first chapter to your new book, "Driving Miss Jenna"!

February 21, 2012 at 9:07 AM  
OpenID gileadgoats said...

Magic indeed! Congratulations! I never doubted he'd be yours for one second :)

Fingers, toes, hooves and paws crossed for you up here in the Gilead.

February 21, 2012 at 9:07 AM  
OpenID barntalkblog said...

Congratulations!!!

-Autumn

February 21, 2012 at 9:23 AM  
Blogger bree said...

It is just wonderful! And thank you for sharing the story. Best to you and Merlin. You made me smile today.

February 21, 2012 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Debi said...

Congratulations Jenna! I had to fight back tears reading the last two paragraphs, I'm so happy for you both!

February 21, 2012 at 9:32 AM  
OpenID mountainchicken said...

Also, don't know if you've been turned onto the Chronicle of the Horse (COTH) forums, but it's my #1 resource for all things horsey.

Seriously, there's a goldmine of information there.

They even have a driving section!!!!!!!

http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/index.php

February 21, 2012 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger AB said...

Oh congratulations! I teared up as I read the past two paragraphs. Good things happen in life when you ask for them. I'm learning this right now.

February 21, 2012 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger wooden wonders said...

yay!!!

February 21, 2012 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger JKB said...

I'm SO glad.

:-)

February 21, 2012 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger Paulette said...

This is magic for all of us, as we can continue to have Merlin in our lives. Congratulations!

February 21, 2012 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Flartus said...

Hooray! Fantastic news! I'm also selfishly happy, because it means we'll be seeing lots more photos of that handsome fella.

February 21, 2012 at 1:51 PM  
Blogger Jedediah said...

Congratulations! I'm happy for you and Merlin and Jasper :)

February 21, 2012 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

AWESOME!!! Congratulations!

February 21, 2012 at 5:05 PM  
Blogger Alexandra said...

Loved reading this! So happy things are coming together for you both.

You have to believe for it to be true :)

February 21, 2012 at 6:13 PM  
Blogger MrsBee said...

Doin' a happy dance for ya!!!!

February 21, 2012 at 7:27 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Totally Awesome!

February 21, 2012 at 7:49 PM  
Blogger SWEETHEARTS MOM said...

holy lord girl...congrats big time

February 21, 2012 at 8:02 PM  
Blogger kathie said...

YES! Congrats! And like a Newfoundland,we love our Newfie's!

February 21, 2012 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Megan said...

I'm so glad to hear Melina and Robert got to take some rabbits! I hope they thrive and suit whatever need they are meant to.

And I couldn't be more stoked about Merlin! I hope to meet the dude when I come up to pick up the rest of the gang this summer!

February 21, 2012 at 9:02 PM  
Blogger Sue at Sweetgrass Ranch said...

Good for you, Jenna! You've done a great job of setting both you and Merlin up for a wonderful, successful life together. In my life with horses, the most important gift has been learning to ask for the help of those more knowledgeable than me.

February 21, 2012 at 9:28 PM  
OpenID Sonja - A Tree by The River said...

Some I missed this post and was waiting to hear definite news! Congratulations! :)

February 21, 2012 at 11:34 PM  
Blogger jules said...

OMGosh Jenna!Congratulations! How wonderful for you, and Merlin.

I just knew there was a pony in there somewhere, just for you!

February 22, 2012 at 4:03 PM  
OpenID kirbanita said...

So happy for both you and Merlin! (BTW, I've just found your blog, and am now a regular reader.)

February 24, 2012 at 5:19 AM  
OpenID kindsofhoney said...

So thrilling!

February 24, 2012 at 7:35 PM  
OpenID kindsofhoney said...

So thrilling!

February 24, 2012 at 7:35 PM  

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