Thursday, October 14, 2010

sigh

So after the eigth guy on Match.com has recently explained I'm sorry, but I no longer have any romantic interest in you after seeing your blog...I think it's time to move to another dating site. Somewhere where men don't equate livestock to shock treatment. I guess I should have figured that out when every single guy on that site lists "travel" as their favorite things to do.

I wish homebodies weren't so out of fashion.

91 Comments:

Blogger Shannon said...

I wonder have you ever been here? http://www.homesteadingtoday.com/

down towards the bottom there is a forum called "country singletree"

I wish you well Jenna

October 14, 2010 at 7:00 AM  
Blogger doglady said...

Everything has its pluses. At least you found out before investing time and emotion that these guys weren't right for you. I think the ones who bail after finding out about your lifestyle are threatened by your ability to do quite nicely without a guy. Someday Mr. Right will find you at a herding seminar, fiddling event or someplace where you start on common ground with similar interests.

October 14, 2010 at 7:19 AM  
OpenID giftsofthejourney said...

We've got loads of sheep here and some simgle men who raise them just as you do only in bigger amounts and on larger pieces of land. Too bad it's across the ocean.

October 14, 2010 at 7:33 AM  
OpenID giftsofthejourney said...

Of course I meant single men, not simgle.

October 14, 2010 at 7:34 AM  
Blogger Natural Mark said...

Their loss. Really.

October 14, 2010 at 7:37 AM  
OpenID peihome said...

Hi Jenna,

I saw this a long time ago and thought of you but I figured you would have sussed out all the farm dating sites!

http://farmersonly.com/

http://www.countryfarm-lifestyles.com/DatingFarmers.html

October 14, 2010 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger Building A Better Life said...

I think it's because they haven't caught on to the fact that security and real farm skills are a GOOD thing! They want excitement, and travel, and flashy things but...

We don't. I can commiserate with you - I am so independent that it scares guys off; I'm pretty sure they're threatened by it and I haven't even started my homestead yet. On the plus side, not being attached means my independence (sp?) isn't squashed, and I can raise my child how I see fit. Which could be good or bad, all things considered.

@Shannon - I'm checking out that site, too. Thanks!

October 14, 2010 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger paul said...

Jenna,

+1 for farmersonly.com, though I can't recommend it personally. I think I heard about it on NPR about five years ago. It caught my interest because my brother-in-law is a farmer who has had trouble meeting women who understand the lifestyle, etc. He ultimately met someone through another site, but still, it sounds like a good idea. And I imagine there are a lot of young single farmers in Vermont who might be signed up on that site, too.

You're going to meet someone. It's just a matter of time, really.

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if one of the reasons some guys are scared off after reading your site is that they see how ambitious and hardworking you are and know they won't be able to keep up. I'm a guy, and I know I'd be a little intimidated by how much you've accomplished already.

Anyway, good luck.

October 14, 2010 at 7:59 AM  
OpenID hollyheartfree said...

honebodies are NOT out of fashion but we are a bit off the beaten path. A couple of years ago there was a TV special (on the RFD channel I think) about a dating service JUST for rural/farm folk.

I love your blog, love you for the way you face your days.

Don't give up! The right guy, the perfect one for you, is out there searching right now.

October 14, 2010 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Have you tried OkCupid? It's free and the folks there seem to be less of the typical "fancy cars and trips" type that you find on other dating sites.

October 14, 2010 at 8:02 AM  
Blogger bee*in*the*balm said...

or "weed dating," like speed dating except the host farm gets their vegetables weeded. i think rural vermont hosts it. there's also an online service based in quebec for rural dating but i can't remember what it's called.

October 14, 2010 at 8:10 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

You're not alone, Jenna. Online dating is full of guys who want the apples that are laying on the ground. You're an apple that's high up in the top of the tree. The guys who will work to get the "top of the tree apples" are few, but SO worth waiting for. Keep living your wonderful life full of farm adventures and one day this man will show up. Hugs! :)

October 14, 2010 at 8:22 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I tried farmersonly.com, been on it for nearly four years I think. No luck there, I think it's even worst because most of the traditional farm guys on there aren't into gals who already have farms...they want them to live on theirs. It's more like "find a wife" not "make out with a shepherd"

weed dating is about 3-4 hours away from Jackson, at least so far.

October 14, 2010 at 8:26 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

worse*

October 14, 2010 at 8:27 AM  
Blogger Flartus said...

Maybe it's your age--guys your age are still fancying themselves kings of industry or rock gods or James Bonds or whatever. You may have to wait a few seasons for them to ripen. ;)

Let's just fantasize that there's a local steel-armed young farmer who's seen you at the feed store occasionally and is curious about your fabulous knit hat, but between being tongue-tied and having his arms full of 50-lb feed sacks, has not gotten a chance to say hello. One day....

October 14, 2010 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger Shana Lee said...

My experience with Match.com was about as bad as yours. I found the guys were all moderate or outright conservative and not as open-minded as they believed (and advertised) themselves to be.

I'll second OKCupid, the "Google of online dating" as it's called. It's more free-form and open. Of course, you have to understand your data will be anonymized and used by the founders, who are MIT grads that geek out on analyzing all that data. For me, that actually attracted me to the site. But then, I'm a geek.

I have friends that have had luck with PlentyofFish.com too.

Overall, online dating is teh suck, but we gotta do what we gotta do, right? Hang in there. And yes, that encouragement is directed at myself too!

October 14, 2010 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger Matt_Middleton said...

Clearly, they are wussbags, and thus you're better off without them. Wuss is contaigous you know!

On a serious note, just caught up with several weeks of posts, and it reminded me just how much I enjoy your blog. Gives me hope for my homesteading dream. Oh, and make sure to let us know how the cider with honey turns out!

October 14, 2010 at 9:10 AM  
Blogger dogear6 said...

My daughter is your age and having the same issues. She's not into homesteading, but runs her own business and is a dog breeder as well.

While it would be easier to have a partner, it is harder to be in an unhappy relationship. And that's the same advice I give to her.

October 14, 2010 at 9:12 AM  
Blogger ashley english said...

oh, hon. there's homebodies GALORE down here! you'll find your prince/man in flannel/pheasant-shooting/ken burns-watching compatriot eventually. don't give up hope!

October 14, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Clare said...

Just wondering if you have checked out eharmony.com? They do a thorough questionaire that is only supposed to match you up with probables.

All that being said, I have long since given up on online dating options. There's something to be said for being your own person, doing what is important to you, on your own time frame. Too much compromise is not good.

I think the feed story theory previously mentioned may be the most likely to produce success.

Also, there is the mind set that if you are always searching, searching, that's exactly what you will be back in return... more searching. But, if you decide that life is good, and that all good will come to you as it should unfold, then it will. All good including everything you embrace as being in balance: food, clothing, animals, money, good health, relationships, etc. Think about just "being" for a while and the tides will bring you balance.

October 14, 2010 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I have been a member of eharmony.com for years too. No luck at all. And I really dislike the fact I can't search and people say nothing about themselves and barely write anything. I really dislike that site.

I feel like i've been "just being" and not searching at all for a decade, but that's not really working. At all.


eh.

October 14, 2010 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

October 14, 2010 at 10:01 AM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Honestly, guys are putting "travel" because it makes them look "interesting". You're day to day farm life will put you in the path of a great guy with the same interests as you.

October 14, 2010 at 10:04 AM  
Blogger Odd Ducks Farm said...

We homebody homesteaders with a taste for fiddle music and fresh apple cake do exist, Jenna. I promise. Ask my wife. She found me. :O)

Keep the faith. Keep trying. And remember, you are happy now without him. And so are the sheep, dogs, chickens, geese, bunnies, and whatever else you shelter and care for.

October 14, 2010 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger GirlSavorsLife said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

October 14, 2010 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger GirlSavorsLife said...

A true story:

I have a friend, who doesn't fit the "mold" of other women, who spent years lamenting she couldn't find a guy who appreciated who she was.

One day she sent an email out, and one of the people she sent it to was her brother. Turns out she wrote his address wrong and the email went to a guy in England with the exact same name by mistake.

He emailed back and as cosmic collisions or grace would have it, they had a ton in common including their age, what they wanted out of life and the values and beliefs they hold most dear.

They are now married, living "across the pond" and have just had their second sweet child. No way could she have predicted, planned or anticipated this heart-match. And it took it's own sweet time to get her.

I love a happy ending that is completely beyond our control and not even in the realm of our imagination!

Here's to your own romantic cosmic collision, Jenna.

October 14, 2010 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger April said...

That is crazy! You are way too good for those guys anyway. You are a unique and special person and you deserve the same...they are just harder to find :)

Plus, we homebodies are harder to find too!

October 14, 2010 at 11:07 AM  
Blogger Tricia said...

It'll happen in time- everything happens for a reason. The hardships you endure and the lessons you learn on your own make you a better person, and more prepared for a relationship.
BUT- I can feel your pain. Take solace in the little things- it's October, for pete's sake! Suck up every last drop of it- we're almost halfway through...
-T

October 14, 2010 at 11:13 AM  
Blogger Robbie said...

Jenna, that brings you eight people closer to the right person. Don't get discouraged; it really is true about having to kiss a lot-and I mean a LOT- of frogs before the prince shows up.

October 14, 2010 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger IanH said...

Jenna, maybe you are going at it the wrong way. Find yourself an active evangelical church. Your chances of finding a person there, with the right values, are much greater than playing Russian roulette with a bunch of loser dating spots. You have a lot going for you, you are just looking in the wrong place!

October 14, 2010 at 11:20 AM  
Blogger Peacemom said...

Hey Jenna,

I didn't find the love of my life until I was 29, and he was at work. Have you considered that though the man may not work with you, lots of coworkers have wonderful brothers/friends/bro in laws, etc they could introduce you to?...I know it can be uncomfortable to approach people with that, but sometimes the apple falls right next to the tree:^).

I won't bother with the whole keep the faith, he's out there stuff as a woman of experience, I know it's little comfort when you're sitting in front of the tv watching that great movie you wish you could be sharing with someone else (or that trail ride, or fence building, or whatever the activity is you wish you had someone to share it with). I also know that you are thankful and grateful for what you have and that sometimes, the romantic space that's not filled is big enough to make you sad. I hear ya, friend. ~Vonnie NH

October 14, 2010 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger Briony said...

I married the man I met on Eharmony.com (pricey site though). I can't speak for it now, but it worked well four years ago. I'll warn you, the questions take a while to answer and as soon as you've done that your account is live and they'll start matching you up, so you want to have a pic ready to upload.

October 14, 2010 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Briony said...

I married the man I met on Eharmony.com (pricey site though). I can't speak for it now, but it worked well four years ago. I'll warn you, the questions take a while to answer and as soon as you've done that your account is live and they'll start matching you up, so you want to have a pic ready to upload.

October 14, 2010 at 11:31 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

"While it would be easier to have a partner, it is harder to be in an unhappy relationship."

Great advice, dogear6!

I agree with this because I was in an unhappy marriage at one time, and now, I often wonder why our society puts so much emphasis on measuring a person's worth by whether they are in a relationship or married. What's wrong with being who you are and being single? And I'm talking single, as in not having a significant other.

You're still young, Jenna. You have lots of time to find that special someone. Enjoy your time being single and just having and hanging out with friends.

October 14, 2010 at 11:34 AM  
OpenID gileadgoats said...

Have you thought about trying Weed Dating? Its a dating service started by NOFA VT. details can be found at http://nofavt.org/events/weed-dating

Or head up to the Tunbridge Fairgrounds this weekend for the NorthEast Animal Powered Field Days. http://animalpowerfielddays.org/
I'm sure there'll be many similarly minded folk there too. It's organized by my neighbors and is a fantastic event.

October 14, 2010 at 11:38 AM  
OpenID jessieshires.com said...

I have to be the third to recommend OkCupid. It wasn't immediately awesome--I went on a few bad dates, then all but gave up, though I continued to log on occasionally to read profiles. After a while you start to notice how many people say the same thing in their profiles--they like "travel" because it sounds adventurous, they like "reading" because they're supposed to (but then you notice their list of beloved tv shows is way longer than their list of books), they like "the outdoors" (but only in scenic drives or car camping), blah blah blah... you realize how fake most of it is. So I started looking for the ones that didn't sound like the others, and I met another aspiring homesteader who'd become just as disillusioned as I was with dating sites and dating in general. That was four years ago this week, and we just moved to the area where we'll be buying land.

Hang in there.

October 14, 2010 at 11:48 AM  
Blogger don said...

On a related note...

Are you heading to the Young Farmers Mixer in Albany on Nov 11th?

http://thegreenhorns.wordpress.com/2010/10/11/greenhorns-will-be-there/

October 14, 2010 at 12:07 PM  
Blogger Jenna said...

i am now! i didn't even know about it.

October 14, 2010 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger djp said...

Seriously? Their loss, Jenna. You're a true gem, and you will find your perfect match.
Don't stop doing the things you do, keep blogging, and hang in there. He's out there, and you will find him.

October 14, 2010 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger Tara said...

I think you should post a personal ad at your feed store. And other places you frequent (Wayside?). Let the locals know you're looking!

And just to throw my tidbit into the advice pot: My husband and I (13 years now) were casual acquaintances for YEARS before we started dating. We had a few mutual friends and saw each other now and then at parties. We dated for YEARS before we ever began homesteading, and frankly didn't have a lot of the same interests. We were simply compatible in the Big, Important ways - basic ideological ways. So you might meet someone who doesn't *think* they're into all that stuff now, but they may be into you enough to become inspired.

October 14, 2010 at 1:18 PM  
Blogger Tara said...

Oh, and I can't fault the guys on Match.com. This sort of life truly isn't everyone's bag.

October 14, 2010 at 1:19 PM  
Blogger djp said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

October 14, 2010 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger djp said...

That bit on the Quebec single farmers' site rang a bell. It's called Agrirencontre.com
I don't know if it'll be helpful, but there is an English section... There might be a landless farmer looking for a cool girl with a farm.
You never know. Have you tried the personal ads in your local paper? Friends of friends? Jenna, he's out there. But in the mean time, don't despair. Enjoy what you have, take pleasure in the company of your friends and family. My sweetheart turned out to be a co-worker. Now, we're going through a long-distance thing due to circumstances, so in some convoluted way, I'm going through the same thing as you. He's out there, you just need to be patient.

October 14, 2010 at 1:39 PM  
Blogger hlbrack said...

Hang in there, Jenna! You will find "him." You will. And like a few others said of the man in question: it's his loss, truly.

October 14, 2010 at 1:59 PM  
Blogger Terry said...

It is my opinion that if a man doesn't considering exhibiting at a goat show a vacation there is nothing else to discuss.

October 14, 2010 at 2:15 PM  
Blogger bookjunky said...

Do all your friends and acquaintances know you are looking? I understand meeting someone through a friend is the best way to meet someone.

I always had good luck in classes. Met my husband on match.com but then we were more the urban literary types at the time. It took quite a bit of dating and a certain amount of heartache before I met him.

Maybe you shouldn't reveal everything right off the bat. Your blog is extremely personal, revealing, and often has events which portray you in a bad light. It is better when you are dating to put your best foot forward and get to know someone before you let them in on all your deep dark secrets. :)

October 14, 2010 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger The MO Farmers Daughter said...

Hi Jena,I also have been single almost all of my life and it is hard but You need to just forget about looking,one day you will just hit it off with someone by accident,but don,t tell hime every thing about yourself at first,let him find you.I am still alone,and I hate computer dateing,I like to just meet,seems to work better.A guy would want you to move to his farm and for you to give up your own.have a great day!good luck carol

October 14, 2010 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger Ghost said...

Backwoods Home Magazine personals? Match.com is definitely not the right place.

October 14, 2010 at 2:47 PM  
Blogger ADK Massage Girl said...

Jenna, this is my first time commenting (though I've been following your blog for three years and being from upstate NY myself I am loving it even more!), and I also want to encourage you to not give up! At my mothers urging I started using match.com and eharmony when I was 22 and after 4+ years got nilch. I took a break for a few months when I finished massage school and had to move back in with the folks. I was broke, didn't have my license yet, my gram died a week before my b-day, and the day after I got hit with kidney stones. With no job or health insurance I had to go on Medicaid and was house sitting to make some money.

At that point I figured I had nothing to lose and went back on match.com. It was important to me that a guy not have anything to be surprised about and also know exactly what I was looking for in him. I mentioned that I thought it would be challenging to live on an off-grid homestead and I enjoyed gardening and making maple syrup. I also stressed that I was looking for the type of guy who could build a fire and put up a tent by himself. Well, the same month I got a wink and we've been together since 4/07.

Though he is originally from Maine and his folks gardened/canned/sometimes had small livestock, he absolutely refused to consider the idea of chickens or anything else. However, after dropping hints (like books and your blog!) he is now planning our future homestead and what type of sheep and cows he wants. He's canning veggies and making apple sauce/jelly, making blueberry jam and we've started making our own body products to sell, and he is looking forward to learning to tap trees:)

So basically, you may not be able to find a ready-made farm guy, but if he knows who you are and what you are looking for it might be easier to hook the one with potential.

I also just wanted to thank you for allowing me to share your experiences; it really keeps me motivated. Best of luck!
-Lauren*^_^*

October 14, 2010 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger The Bunny Girl said...

Before my husband and I met we were both told by Match.com that there were no matches for us...anywhere! Lucky for us we met shortly after that. Good luck with the greenhorn mixer! Sounds like a ton of fun.

October 14, 2010 at 3:09 PM  
Blogger Diane said...

I'd have to say ditto to what Bookjunky said in her last paragraph. We all want to be loved for who we are, but we have to let men get to know us slowly and have them see us at our best before they see everything else about our lives.

October 14, 2010 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger seagoddess said...

Call me crazy (or old) but I still believe there's a natural, organic way to meet a guy that doesn't include a computer (I'm single, too). I also believe things happen when they're supposed to and everything happens for a reason.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer living in the past...But see? That dude told you about a young farmer's mixer! Enjoy!

October 14, 2010 at 3:29 PM  
Blogger Greentwinsmummy said...

OHH! girlsavourslife's story is just perfection!
Jenna I am nearly 40,seperated after a miserable marriage & mama to the best twin girls in the entire world {grin}
I day dream sometimes that theres a sweet man out there somewhere, who abhors television,reads voraciously,grows all his food,loathes over head electric lights,has a beard,likes no other noise than the whump whump of the woodburner,is good with sheep,has beautiful feet,loves autumn & winter,likes cooking,listens to the Archers,ooooh my list is endless lol!
Maybe hes out there,maybe hes not.I do know its better to be on my own than in an unhappy relationship.
What will be will be, the trick is to be as complete & as joyful as one can be in this moment, whats around the corner in the next moment will then unfold as its meant to.
GTM x x x
ps that took me a long time to type, one of my flock broke my finger on Monday!!!

October 14, 2010 at 3:41 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

Hi Jenna-

I was forty before I started dating my husband, and this November we'll have been married nine years.

My sister once told me that as soon as I got too busy to date, someone would probably show up. That turned out to be true. He pursued me.

The other thing that was pretty freaky was that I put together a couple of feng shui cures in the marriage corner of my house. Within three months of doing that I was dating my future husband and seven months later we were married. It didn't even take a year. So you might want to look into putting up a picture of ducks or swans (birds that mate for life) and two silk peonies in the southwest corner of your house, which is your love and marriage corner. If your any room with a drain in it (bathroom, kitchen, laundry room) is in that corner, you're going to continue to have problems. Try getting a book on feng shui- it's remarkably useful.

And good luck!

October 14, 2010 at 3:48 PM  
Blogger jenomnibus said...

Hey Jenna,
If the young farmers mixer doesn't work out, try Salon.com personals. That's where I met my husband Tim
(Having met Tim yourself when we converged upon your lovely homestead in early September, I'm sure you'll agree that he's A+ fabulous ;)
Salon uses the same service as nerve and the onion use, and it seemed at the time to have a much better pool of people - better educated, funny, kinda quirky, etc.
On the other hand, perhaps analog is the better way for you to go. You deserve someone who isn't afraid of your fierce independence :]
Cheers,
jen

October 14, 2010 at 3:53 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

I gave up on match for the same reason recently. I am convinced there are guys out there that like kickass chicks. Don't lose hope.

October 14, 2010 at 4:00 PM  
OpenID kragore said...

a friend of mine sent this my way today, and I pass it along to you:
http://www.youtube.com/v/k7X7sZzSXYs?version=3

I hear you. I'm in a similar place, and some nights... some nights are harder than others.
- K.

October 14, 2010 at 4:09 PM  
Blogger mandy_farmer said...

I don't agree with bookjunky. Be your true athentic self, and if they don't like it, well then to hell with them. Better to be you all along than be the kind of person who puts on a front for a couple years then starts being them slowly but surely and the other person says, "You've changed!" and the you got a big ole mess on your hands... Be you, because you is awesome. The best way to meet people is the same way businessmen become successful...networking. LOL. So have fun, and go hang out with your friends that share the same interests as you, and he'll pop up, I swear. And don't hold back in your blog, seriously, what kind of idiot is going to read your blog and be like, "Uh, no." A douchebag that you probably wouldn't like anyhow. Drink a cider and relax. :)

October 14, 2010 at 4:54 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

Jenna- I had your same problem about finding a guy and when I stopped worrying about it and stopped looking, he found me...so just be yourself and when you arent looking you'll find yourself someone. Not all the good ones are taken...have faith :)

October 14, 2010 at 5:00 PM  
Blogger jules said...

Jenna - Keep the faith girl. I will echo all the rest and say there IS someone out there, just for you. It may be that he's just not ready for YOU yet.

I was newly single (after two very long relationships that didn't work out) and learning how to be me again, at 40, and being quite happy at it. I spent the next two years acquiring the knowledge on how to be a good wife and partner. At 42, and never married before, I met my now DH. We married in 2005 and are still at it, quite happily. I kept thanking God for the Husband he had out there for me, saying that I KNEW he didn't mean for me to be single the rest of my life since he made Eve for Adam. lol

Don't give up. The One will turn up for you when you least expect it. Keep your heart open too, he may not be 'everything' right off the bat, but things have a way of working out perfectly, for you. I also say, keep being yourself Jenna. If they can't handle who you are from the get go, they won't be able to handle it later either. You're a smart, capable woman with a goal. Don't give up on that.

October 14, 2010 at 5:25 PM  
Blogger Joleen said...

greensingles.com

and it's free

October 14, 2010 at 7:21 PM  
Blogger Joleen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

October 14, 2010 at 7:22 PM  
Blogger Charles said...

homemade smoked-pheasant ravioli and you are having pause about a man. Lighten up girl, the right one is out there. I guarantee it.

October 14, 2010 at 8:30 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I follow daily but comment rarely. Just wanted to say that I understand how you feel, and that I know in my heart that even if it takes a little longer to find your perfect mate, it will be worth the wait. I met my husband on americansingles.com. I don't know that site still exist, but it might be worth checking out.

October 14, 2010 at 8:43 PM  
Blogger Melisa said...

I can't honestly say enough good things about Match.com. Although I had a couple of dud dates, I met my husband on there!

October 14, 2010 at 8:54 PM  
Blogger Nancy Jane Smith, MSEd, PC said...

My favorite quote on dating--is from Designing Women--(dating myself I know) but Mary Jo says--"my ideal guy likes to spend his Saturday night curled up by a fire with his Irish Setter--unfortunately I won't find him because he is curled up by the fire with his Irish Setter" So true!!!

October 14, 2010 at 9:31 PM  
OpenID urbanadaptation said...

A lot's been said already, but I just wanted to pipe in and say that I'm sorry this is proving to be a somewhat difficult process. While in the moment it's not really so much fun, especially for those of us who are, as you say, homebodies, I'm sure it'll all be worth it in the end when someone awesome enough to appreciate your awesomeness happens along.

October 15, 2010 at 1:30 AM  
Blogger bookjunky said...

I did not in any way suggest you pretend to be someone you are not. To imply that is a gross distortion of what I said. We all have many sides to our true selves. Some things are better left until later in a relationship. There are many facts about me and my history that I would not announce on a first date and I think this is true of anyone. It takes time to get to know someone. Your blog is you, that is true, but it contains a lot of angst that could deter a potential suitor in the early stages of a romance.

But that is my opinion. Take it or leave it.

October 15, 2010 at 1:46 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Bjunky, I didn't think you meant that at all. But it is kinda late to remove over 1200 blog posts. truth is if a guy met me all he's have to do is google me.

October 15, 2010 at 6:46 AM  
Blogger Anti Rand said...

Can I just say, you are a very interesting woman. I used to be a forester in one of the most remote areas of the country and, like you, I wanted to meet someone and tried all the internet sites, dating sites, etc. And, in all honesty, that approach worked for a friend of mine. Still, it seems to me that you are trying too hard. Love, on average, cannot be discovered or found. Love is something that grows. It is a process and it is much, much, much more complicated than, on average, self-deluded people pretending to know who they are and what they are about and what they like. Just take a breath. Relax. One day you will turn around (or visit a bookstore as I did) and the person will be right there. I am saying, I guess, it might be better in the long run, if you learn to trust that life will give you the things/people you NEED when you are ready. Sorry, but all I met on dating sites were people with really nice pictures and really bad realities. Don't try so hard. Let life happen. It will happen, life, whether you think it will or not.

Okay, I'm off the soap box.

October 15, 2010 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

Honestly, I'm barely trying at all. It just comes across really raw here cause it's such a personal site. But I've only been on maybe 5 dates in ten years. I don't think that's trying too hard...

October 15, 2010 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Sue Steeves said...

Jenna,

I was right where you are (minus the farm....I am an urban farmer making do with a really big back yard for now)about two years ago. I had only been on a handfull of dates over the last five years and it seemed I would never find a guy who did not think I was crazy for raising meat rabbits, making cheese, canning etc. But......I met him on PlentyOfFish.com and I could not be happier. I was just super honest that I am very independent and super quirky. He liked my vibe and realised that he did subscribe to my brand of crazy eventhough he had never been exposed to such things in his life. He won't process a rabbit, but he will eat it and he looks at me like a I am goddess when I bake bread.....he even wants a goat now after playing with them at the fair & chicks. That is enough....maybe one day he will take up weeding but I am not holding my breath. Hang in there girl....you gotta kiss alot of frogs.

October 15, 2010 at 9:34 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that it wasn't Jenna's angst* that deterred this fellow. I'd wager it was the thought that there might be poop for him to shovel at some point. ;-)

*I also don't think you're particularly angst-y, no more than anyone would be in your position.

October 15, 2010 at 9:53 AM  
Blogger -E said...

Like coffee, I think Love is best brewed unplugged. Put your energy into the things you love, and people you love will come to you. I knew my man was right for me when, in a town full of BMWs and corporate commuters, he opened with the line, "Do you have any extra poop?" (I the horse girl, he the gardner.) You have put your trust in the natural earth, its creatures and its energy to provide for much of what you do with your life... it won't fail you in the man category. Be patient :) and keep your eyes peeled at the farmer's markets and the feed store...

ps I just finished your book and have a ton of blog to read to catch up with where you're at now, and I'm sooooo looking forward to it!

October 15, 2010 at 10:22 AM  
Blogger Meredith said...

Try http://www.greensingles.com/

October 15, 2010 at 11:03 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Oh Jenna!

I too have waded into the leech-infested pool that is online dating. There has got to be something better than this.

Someone recently told me that dating is like looking for a job; let everyone know you are looking, and keep your eyes open for opportunity. Certainly, someone (or several someones) will emerge from the (herding, music, farming, etc.) networks you are creating.

There is someone out there for you! Hang tough, and ditch the match.com!

October 15, 2010 at 11:40 AM  
Blogger Harpy 101 said...

You do run workshops occasionally, so you know how to put together events...if you had an interest in coordinating farming singles' events yourself, it might give you some insights about the community you're in and how farmer's dating events work in general. It's a bit Jane Austen, granted, but sometimes you catch more trout when you strap on your waders and go for deeper water.

October 15, 2010 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Harpy 101 said...

PS...Respectfully and heartily disagree with bookjunky. If you have to edit yourself for anyone, EVER, that person is not a friend and definitely has no potential for something nearer and dearer. There's nothing on this blog that puts you "in a bad light". The right person will love you MORE because of this blog. MANY men would. It's the fishing them out of our cultural fast-moving river that's a pain.

October 15, 2010 at 12:16 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

Uhmmm....why haven't I seen anything on these posts about the joys of being single? Not everyone is best in relationships. Not everyone needs to be paired. We singles are not in the majority and I'm not suggestings we should be but hey, it's not a bad place to be. Time will tell in years to come what is the best path for each of us.

In the mean time, find your dream and do it. Make yourself happy and others will be drawn to you. It can be that simple.

October 15, 2010 at 1:52 PM  
Blogger christy said...

i spent a lot of time in my early 20's trying to find someone. i joined several dating sites, which led to pointless dates, dates with wannabe adulterers, liars and one guy who was best described as a male estella. after that parade of suck, i'd decided to give up, but gave a shot to one last match, the guy who is now my fiance. people can say what they like about online dating- yes, there's plenty about it not to like. but for some people, churches, bars, grocery stores and the like are not viable options. you go with what works for you. and that what is different for everyone.

also, it's possible to be completely upfront about who you are and what you do, without giving it all away. yes, you are jenna of cold antler farm, who cooks, hunts, keeps sheep and rabbits, plays fiddle and enjoys home brewed libations. but, you are also jenna who is learning as she goes, who sometimes gets frustrated (part of learning, right?), who has awesome days and awesomely bad days. if anyone should brush you off for that, they're not worth your time. i always believed if someone likes you, they're going to like you the way you are or not at all.

just my two cents :) my fingers are crossed for you, so hopefully soon will be the right time for you to meet the right guy. good luck! and don't lose hope just yet.

October 15, 2010 at 2:41 PM  
Blogger pleintexasgirl said...

You are not alone. Sorry, no pun intended. Most men want pretty and dumb, I had a dreadful long run @ trying to date and I finally gave up. It does not matter how intelligent, hard working and successful we are, that is not what gets them excited. Sadly.

October 15, 2010 at 4:40 PM  
Blogger littlegreengardengal said...

"I feel like i've been "just being" and not searching at all for a decade, but that's not really working. At all."

Yep - I am a few years older than you and if I had a dime for every time someone had told me that, well you know... It just isn't true that as soon as you quit looking and be content with your life then you will find him. And it is totally frustrating to have people say that as if it is true for everyone. It obviously happens for some people, but not all.
I know there are good guys out there, but I don't know how to find them and it doesn't seem to work to wait for them to find me either. So I can't really say anything other than I know how you feel, and hang in there! The guy you are looking for could possibly be on an online dating site, but chances are he's not.

October 15, 2010 at 7:29 PM  
Blogger Lura said...

Don't sweat it, Jenna. Think of it as weeding out the chaff. You'd much rather have a man love you for who you are and if reading the blog is a turn off, then it's just as well. That way, when the right one comes along, you'll be available and not have emotional ties to a shoe that doesn't fit.

October 15, 2010 at 8:13 PM  
Blogger Andy said...

I understand where you are coming from. I am in the same boat. I was on 2 online dating sites in the past with a few dates. I guess the idea raising bees and worms kind of scared my dates away. I think you are a wonderful girl. There is nothing wrong to be a homebody.

Oh ya, I like your profile on greensingles. You should check my profile. We have things in common.

October 15, 2010 at 8:50 PM  
Blogger The MO Farmers Daughter said...

How a about nameing it "Honey Dew"Since you need a honey to do??carol

October 15, 2010 at 11:42 PM  
OpenID slyminx said...

I just really hope that your "singlehood" doesn't detract at all from your daily reveling in your own awesomeness! You know always that you are amazing and unique and incredibly impressive, right? Being that unique and dynamic just means that men that can match you aren't really thick on the ground. It's not really a surprise that it takes some time to find a guy that fits. It won't be just anyone.

October 16, 2010 at 2:02 AM  
Blogger Wiste said...

I had good luck with okcupid.com but your mileage might vary. I liked that it was fairly open and I could make a detailed profile so guys knew up front what I was all about. I went on about 9 dates and talked to about 30 guys (in a month) before I found someone to start a relationship with. My suggestion is to be as upfront as possible about what you want and not be afraid to cut ties early with guys who aren't what you're looking for.

October 18, 2010 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger chickinthekitchen said...

Jenna-It ain't over till the fat lady sings! I was single from 1989-2006 when I met my single simple man on match.com. We now spend our days together, raising chickens and veggies. (Married two years on November 15th) Guess what I am trying to say is that there is someone for everyone and it sometimes takes a little longer than we like, but he will come along.

October 19, 2010 at 7:15 PM  
Blogger abby gail said...

clearly all those dudes are super lame. i do know that my brother-in-law is on there, and he has told me that it seems like everyone is pretty conservative and they all like all the same things, which he does not. so. don't feel bad. it seems like match does that to a lot of people who are out of the ordinary mainstream same old same old singles. you'll find a mr right just when it's the perfect time, no problem!

October 22, 2010 at 11:56 AM  
OpenID steelkitten said...

You've saved yourself a lot of hassle with those guys trust me.

Maybe your best place to find someone compatible is not dating sites but forums and other blogs about the same things your're interested in?

Also I always found older guys to be a little more tolerant and open-minded.

December 24, 2010 at 4:56 AM  
Blogger jen said...

along with a few other people, i'd suggest the dating site greensingles.com

there is also farmersonly.com. have you checked that out?

it's not easy meeting guys, and the online experience isn't very 'natural-feeling', but sometimes it does work out.

January 2, 2011 at 12:13 AM  

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