Monday, April 26, 2010

one story ends

I packed up my final box from the cabin today, swept the floor, and closed the door.

I drove away for the last time.

It hurt more than I thought it would.

37 Comments:

Blogger Miriam said...

It hurts because it mattered. That's a good thing. And now that you have closed that door you can invest all of yourself in the big adventure you have embarked on. Way to go Jenna!

April 26, 2010 at 8:24 PM  
Blogger Pam said...

I can understand that feeling. I think I will feel the same when I leave my current home for my place in the woods.

Just remember that it was a good story while it lasted but is now time to write a new series of stories at your new place.

Peace,

Pam

April 26, 2010 at 8:25 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

You might need to mourn a little, and then the reality of your big dream will heal you.

April 26, 2010 at 8:31 PM  
Blogger jen said...

You know the old saying, Jenna...when one door closes, another one opens. Don't be sad that you're leaving something that didn't "belong" to you...be so, so, glad that the door that is opening for you is the one of this beautiful farm that you worked so hard for! Pretty soon the little cabin will be just a happy memory of where you started.
You go, Girl!

April 26, 2010 at 8:35 PM  
Blogger doglady said...

You had some really good times at the cabin. Only a very shallow person would not feel pangs at leaving and you are anything but shallow. Now you can enjoy settling into your new digs and know everything you do enhances what is yours.

April 26, 2010 at 8:41 PM  
Blogger Hunington said...

"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town." (Matt.10:14)

April 26, 2010 at 8:55 PM  
Blogger djp said...

... and a new story begins.
These are exciting times sweetie, embrace it! The last one was nice, but it was a rough draft. This farm is yours, it's for real.

April 26, 2010 at 9:05 PM  
Blogger SWEETHEARTS MOM said...

do you feel that that farm was a failure? I am sorry you hurt by leaving it but you very much succeeded by renting that place. You learned every day and we learned with you. I can't wait to see how you apply that.

April 26, 2010 at 9:12 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

Maybe it hurt because you were asked to leave? Or because you had some good times there?

You have the very best balm in the world for that hurt- your own farm!

April 26, 2010 at 9:45 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

The funny thing is . . . if you weren't so attached to that cabin, and then asked to leave it, you wouldn't have taken the steps to finding your very own farm.

Keep in mind that home is where your story grows, and your story grew a lot while living there; just as it grew in Tennessee and Idaho, and will continue grow in Jackson, NY.

I, for one, can't wait to see what happens next!

April 26, 2010 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger Stargazer 2 said...

JENNA,
I'VE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT!!!
LOOKING FORWARD TO TURNING THE PAGE TO BEGIN THE NEXT CHAPTER IN MY LIFE WITH MUCH ANTICIPATION!!!
IT WILL BE DONE WISER (YOU ALSO)
BECAUSE YOU LEARNED, & GREW AT THE
OLD COLD ANTLER FARM!!! THE NEW COLD ANTLER FARM WILL BE ON THE NEXT LEVEL IN COMPARISON TO THE OLD COLD ANTLER FARM!!! AND YES
(WE) BOTH) SHED A FEW TEARS, & MOVED ON!!!
CHEERS WITH A HEALTH DRINK...
& LOOKING FORWARD TO THE BRAND NEW
COLD ANTLER FARM TALES FROM JENNA!!!
AGAIN CONGRATS!!!

April 26, 2010 at 10:11 PM  
Blogger Toni aka irishlas said...

I think it's always hard to leave a place where one has grown so much - mentally and physically. It's part of the story of who you are, that cabin, that community. It helped to mold the shape of Cold Antler.

April 26, 2010 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

Wow! You did it! Can you believe you really have your own farm now? It was a far away dream just months ago and now it's reality. I loved reading your cabin chapter and look forward to reading your new farm BOOK! Best wishes to you!

April 26, 2010 at 10:53 PM  
Blogger Mare said...

i believe it..but it will be ok.

April 26, 2010 at 11:09 PM  
Blogger 鈺禎 said...

Joy often comes after sorrow, like morning after night...................................................

April 26, 2010 at 11:55 PM  
Blogger Reason's Whore said...

Now you are taking the first steps as a real independent adult. The fact that those people treated you as a child drove you to taking more responsibility for yourself and your life.

All meaningful transitions result in some pain. I believe that is called growth.

No success comes without it.

April 27, 2010 at 2:08 AM  
Blogger Affi'enia said...

Oh hun. Leaving anywhere is hard I find. But just think about where you are heading!

April 27, 2010 at 3:15 AM  
OpenID Tami said...

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~Anaïs Nin, Diary, 1969

April 27, 2010 at 3:27 AM  
Blogger R110926oseH said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical. ........................................

April 27, 2010 at 5:43 AM  
Blogger Meredith said...

So many great stories from VT that we all enjoyed....
But I don't think any of us will forget the riding of the sheep that kicked off the NY farm.
See, you are making memories already.

April 27, 2010 at 7:11 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

It's always hard to leave our home even if it's for the next great adventure. I think we all have left some place we loved for the next great place only to be surprised at the feelings of loss and ending. Kind of like finishing a really great book.

April 27, 2010 at 8:39 AM  
Blogger twistie said...

I completely understand how you felt, I felt the same hurt when I sold my first home (which I never really wanted to buy in the first place) to move to my current farm. I was exited as all get out about the farm, but also sad about leaving my at the time home behind. All I can say is the memories of that cabin will follow you and more will follow! Enjoy your new farm.

April 27, 2010 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

It was your sheltering place for a long time, and where your dreams hatched. You'll probably always have a pang in your heart for the cabin. I still dream about a tiny little apartment I rented while I was in college.

April 27, 2010 at 9:59 AM  
Blogger Farmer's Daughter said...

Jenna, I had a terrible time leaving my family's farm 2 1/2 years ago. Even though I was so excited to move out of my parent's garage apartment and move into a new house with my husband, it was so hard to leave. Just know that your future holds amazing things for you!

April 27, 2010 at 10:09 AM  
Blogger Summermelonfarm said...

May the best times at that old place be the worst times at the new! :)

April 27, 2010 at 10:16 AM  
Blogger Cathy said...

I understand. I still miss my first home. I have lived in my new home for 8 years now. It was a good chapter in my life and so is this one. You will feel that way too eventually. It is good you cared so much. Therefore you will have no regrets!

April 27, 2010 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger Patsy said...

Now you can get Finn back and he can be with all of the rest of you. You worked hard in Vermont and I think that is why your heart hurts. But this new place, oh Jenna, soooooo much better.

April 27, 2010 at 10:37 AM  
Blogger DeDe said...

Jenna, you live with such passion, and love all that you touch... animals, cabins, soil, seeds, people. With the deep and profound joy you have felt in Sandcreek (and Sandpoint, and Knoxville) comes the risk of heartbreak. It's all part of the package of loving.

I'm just glad your not as far away from your last love as you are from ID & TN, and that you have documented those beautiful memories so well here.

Keep right on loving, Jenna. It hurts sometimes, but it's sooooo worth it.

April 27, 2010 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

We're always in relationship with whatever place we're living in, I think. So you're getting over a relationship right now. Just don't feel guilty about feeling sad or hurt, whatever you do. And don't think it's disrespecting the blessing you've been given in the new farm to feel rangs of nostalgia or regret over what might have been with the old place. It's natural and perfectly OK to feel sad, scared or nostalgic at this time. You've just gone through a HUGE change, and while it may have been for the best, some of it was forced on you, and that can be stressful!

April 27, 2010 at 10:43 AM  
Blogger cpcable said...

All endings hurt, but that's normal. It just means that you were very invested in your life there and that's a good thing. The upside is that there is so much promise in your future!

April 27, 2010 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger Debi said...

I think it's a natural reaction, at least it is for me. I've moved more times in the past 20 than I'd like to remember, and even places that I didn't like so much made me sort of sad to leave, something about the emptiness, I believe. You'll always remember the blessings brought by that little cabin, and be grateful that it led you to where you are now, sitting squarley in the middle of your dreams.


Blessings,
Debi

April 27, 2010 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger Mimi said...

Jenna, I do understand how you feel. I really can't say anything that will make it feel less hurtful and it's natural to feel that way. I can say this, after reading all the comments here, you have some of the most wonderful friends who collectively cheer you on, commiserate with you when you're sad, and will be there for you as you move forward. There is some excellent wisdom and many profound thoughts here and I hope they help you. You are not a shallow person, so each and every place has meaning for you, I understand. I must say, though, you've already made me laugh at some of the moving-to-the-new-farm experiences you've had. You're much loved, Jenna, we're all behind you.

April 27, 2010 at 11:48 AM  
OpenID kragore said...

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." - Seneca

I still have pangs about the little apartment over the pizza place that I lived in with the ex.
What I've realized is that I have pangs more about the memories and good times, and the place symbolizes them.

Take the good with you as you go. It taught you a great many things - on to a new beginning!
Good job, Jenna.
- K.

April 27, 2010 at 12:04 PM  
Blogger The pale observer said...

Tragic! You were perfect! I loved the farm stories - they are so far from my own reality...

What next?

April 27, 2010 at 12:09 PM  
Blogger Turtle said...

it is sad , if you let it be. But as the song lyrics state. "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end"

April 27, 2010 at 2:14 PM  
Blogger Barb said...

Of course it hurt, sweetie, you had a lot of experiences (good and bad) there.
It's always hard to let go of an era.
-Barb

April 27, 2010 at 7:59 PM  
Blogger Nick said...

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning. ~Ivy Baker Priest

April 28, 2010 at 2:27 AM  

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