Thursday, February 18, 2010

like humidity

I think I just realized that this is going to happen. It's not certain yet, but it's going to happen. I am going to own a farm. In a few months a hoe will break into that New York soil and so many things will begin. There will be the chirping of chicks, and the moans of roosters. There will be bonfires, and bleating lambs, and a black dog. There will be food pulled out of the earth by the roots, and long jogs in the July night. There will be thunderstorms, and fireflies, and a black guitar that knew what Eisenhower sounded like. There will be pounding hooves, curling ram horns, and gardens so rich in food I will kneel before them. There will be sweat, and tears, and so many sore arms and backs that I will forget about all this joy and want to curl up in a bathtub in pain. There will be old records, and apple pie, and a white farmhouse that knew what General Grant sounded like. There will be pastures, and new lives, and gardens, and hives, and so much hope. Hope that hangs in the air like humidity.

And it is all ahead of me. Strum from E to E and know it.

I count the years ago on one hand that my life was completely different. I was living in a major metropolitan area designing for a television network—now I am weeks away from owning my own farm. I can't fall asleep at night because I am trying to decide between varieties of pumpkins. Because I know what it feels like to hold one you knew as a seed, and how the smooth, orange skin feels in your palms, and how the whole autumn world belongs to you while you touch it. Sometimes I think I get more out of pumpkins than some people get out of the whole world. I am so in love with this.

Happiness is understanding you don't want to be, can't fathom being, anyone else.

28 Comments:

Blogger Naomi said...

I love the line at the end. It took a long time but I cannot fathom being anyone else either.

Congratulations on watching your dreams come true.

Naomi in Oregon

February 18, 2010 at 9:50 PM  
Blogger Tora: said...

Amen, Jenna!

February 18, 2010 at 9:55 PM  
Blogger melinamarie said...

What a sweet post! I love your transformation as a designer. I can relate once upon a time I lived in Brooklyn and couldn't imagine leaving. Right now my husband and I are discussing berries and the book on the night stand is about micro eco farms. I think it is is just wonderful that all this is coming together. I love that you are in love with pumpkins.

February 18, 2010 at 9:58 PM  
Blogger Wendy P said...

Oh, that was lovely! Just started reading your book and am thoroughly enjoying your blog. I can't wait to see the wonder that's out there waiting for you!

February 18, 2010 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger Butts said...

Wow! What a post! Wish I lived next door and could give you the welcome to the neighborhood party you deserve!

February 18, 2010 at 10:36 PM  
Blogger Tami SouthStreetShabby.blogspot.com said...

LOVE this post Jenna! You look at things like no other girl-woman your age and twirl it all up so that anyone can understand which emotions are pulling at you and which you are leaving behind!

I say Woo Hoo! and you go girl...you are right.it's going to happen...one way or another... you'll be raking your own turf this year...and thanking your maker for the privilege. I commend you on your determination.
Tami E.

February 18, 2010 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

When things speed up like this, when you start making progress you couldn't have imagined a year, two years, five years ago, you know that it's real. It's going to happen.

February 18, 2010 at 10:39 PM  
Blogger Muffy Sainte-Marie said...

Oooh I love you! Thank you for expressing yourself so beautifully and reigniting my own old longing for a life in the country. I hope you get the farm, I hope you get the farm!!

February 18, 2010 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger Carrie in Wisconsin said...

Beautifully put, it really made me think about who I'm becoming! And where I might be in four years....

February 18, 2010 at 10:54 PM  
Blogger Dawn Dutton said...

Just knowing what one really wants is over half the battle of getting it.... keep on plugging away Jenna.. many great season's await you.

February 18, 2010 at 11:02 PM  
Blogger Story said...

the last line...i hear you....sweet!

February 18, 2010 at 11:07 PM  
Blogger Brenda said...

Beautifully written. Wish I had your gift for words.

February 18, 2010 at 11:30 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

"Move confidently in the direction of your dreams...."

I wish this was all on film because your life would make an AWESOME documentary.

February 19, 2010 at 12:15 AM  
Blogger finsandfeathers said...

Jenna,

That reads like poetry. It's beautiful. I'll take it over to the Inspiration thread on the Locals.

February 19, 2010 at 12:43 AM  
Blogger Jack said...

You have farmer's blood flowing through your veins, for sure. You remind me of a budding tree in the spring, slowly emerging, then bursting with blossoms. You're right before the bursting stage, get ready to bloom!

February 19, 2010 at 1:34 AM  
Blogger René said...

Beautifully said. I'd also like to point out that once it's yours you'll have plenty of opportunities to pick pumpkin seeds for years to come. You've got a lot more conviction about the way you live your life than most people will ever achieve. For that reason alone you deserve this and I'll be keeping fingers crossed and candles lit until you put the key in that door.

February 19, 2010 at 1:36 AM  
Blogger Fallen Oak said...

By that definition I am happy. Thank You.

February 19, 2010 at 1:38 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Loved the end line, too.

February 19, 2010 at 3:25 AM  
OpenID ROC said...

I love the end line. Awesome post!

February 19, 2010 at 5:25 AM  
Blogger TB said...

Jenna,

This is one of your best posts ever! I am savoring each image, and together they are a feast!

I, too, am a pumpkinophile! I love growing them, feeling them, smelling them, holding them, seeing them, eating them... To me they are joy!

Tamarie

February 19, 2010 at 6:04 AM  
Blogger Cindy said...

Great post but hold the bonfires. NYS just passed an open burning law that really restricts what you can burn, better check it out before you light that match!

February 19, 2010 at 7:47 AM  
Blogger Nancy Jane Smith, MSEd, PC said...

Wow! Thank you for that wonderful inspirational post. I love your definition of happiness and even love more that you have found it! Thanks for sharing your passion and love it is a joy to read!!

February 19, 2010 at 8:20 AM  
OpenID localnourishment said...

Barnheart has a cure?? Oh joy!

February 19, 2010 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

Jenna,

The last line is so beautiful and so few people find that happiness. You are very fortunate to have found it.

February 19, 2010 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

Congratulations! That is beautiful.

February 19, 2010 at 9:49 AM  
Blogger MGreenwood said...

Preach, sister! The world would be such a better place if everyone couldn't fathom being anyone but themselves!

February 19, 2010 at 12:18 PM  
Blogger Joleen said...

YES you will, Jenna. SO proud of you!

February 19, 2010 at 1:07 PM  
Blogger twistie said...

What a beautiful gift of words you have Jenna, and a beautiful outlook! I think this is my second favorite post of yours, we're not from here still has to be my first.

February 19, 2010 at 9:52 PM  

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